Another day, another Idol kid sent to the dustbin of pop culture history. Sorry, that's probably a little harsh, but let's be honest here. The person who was sent home last night probably will not be the next Kelly Underwood or anything. Facts is facts. That's why they call them facts.
We'll get to all that in a minute. The first thing that happened in the episode was that J.Lo premiered a snippet of her new video. Before it played she was like "I hope you enjoy the song, I really like the message of it, and I hope you do too." Oh, we thought, maybe this is some sort of slower seriouser ballad-y type of thing, y'know with a message that we could really get behind, a message that J.Lo herself really likes. But then the video played and it was La Lopes wriggling on a bed saying things like "I wanna make love" and then Pitbull showed up in a white suit and rapped a bit and then there was a title card that said "To be continued..." and that was it. What? I— Wait, what? What was the message? "It's a message I really like. I think we can all agree that I want to make love and that Pitbull likes to wear white suits. It's an important message." Maybe the part after "To be continued..." takes a big turn and Pitbull starts rapping about the Greek economy or something, but from what we saw last night, I don't know that a "message" is exactly what J.Lo thinks it is.
After that mess, it was time for the first of the celebrity performances, which was The Wanted, singing their hit winterspring jam "I'm Glad You Came." (Hee heeee.) The Wanted is a British boy band just like One Direction, except that they're older and they talk about booze and sex and stuff. They're like One Direction's cool, dangerous older brothers. They have stubble and other things that might threaten a fourteen-year-old girl. So it's strange, essentially, that they're a boy band catering to late adolescents, but it seems to be working for them. They came out last night and sang their song, which is all about paying rent and having jobs and feeling time slip away from them faster and faster which each passing year. Y'know, older stuff. Nooooo, just joshing. They sang about parties and sexy girls. "I think you look well on me," you know, sorta provocative things like that. Girls in the audience squeal-shrieked with delight while Ryan barely restrained himself and something happened with J.Lo? Did something happen with J.Lo? Because after they sang Ryan of course came running into the middle of the boy/man huddle and as they went to commercial Ryan's mic was still on and he said something to the main guy about "Getting to first base with Jennifer." Did you hear that? He said something along those lines and it was very mysterious. Oh to be a fly on that glitter wall! Oh well. Now The Wanted has spread its musical seed into the world of Idol and, I don't know, are we glad they came?