What exactly was happening on American Idol last night? Didn't things seem off and strange? Wasn't the air charged with a particular doomed energy usually reserved for shows closer to the finale? Things were just rattling oddly, screws felt loose, the car seemed too close to the edge of the cliff. Guess this means we're getting toward the end, folks.
The weirdness of last night was probably mostly owed to the costumes. The fashions. Was the normal lady, who's not exactly Suzy Styles herself, out sick or something so they brought in a freelancer they found on Craigslist? "Hi, yes, is this Celeste?" "It might be..." "OK, well, we need a stylist for this week's episode of American Idol, would you be available this Wednesday and Thursday?" "I'll do it. As payment, I'll except a few hugs and an old violin." "I see..." But they went ahead and booked her anyway and, lemme tell ya, Celeste has some weird ideas about what kind of clothing people should wear. First off, she put almost every girl in some sort of sheer something covering something else. Poor Elise had to wear an orange minidress that was covered in a maxi dress's worth of orange mosquito netting. Then they made her go stand by a fan while she sang, the wind blowing everything awkwardly (like a first-timer at an orgy), the orange net billowing out like Cheetos dust. Celeste also seemed to be a fan of culotte-y gypsy pantaloons? She put Jessica Sanchez in a pair of purple ones last night and then paired them with some sort of shirt that involved fringe and it really looked like, and this is going to sound weird, it looked like she had been dressed by a Kevin Kline character. That might make no sense to you, but there was a certain gay whimsical pirate-y quality to the whole outfit that, to me, screamed Kevin Kline. Like, a drunken Kevin Kline character dressed her in this outfit as some part of an elaborate scheme. Probably a doomed scheme, but a scheme nonetheless.