It's a broken record, I know, but Deandre Brackenwacken still isn't doing it for me. Nor is Jessica Sanchez. Deandre mostly because he sounds the same every week. Has Deandre sang the same exact song every week? I feel like he has. How do the judges keep coming up with new things to say to him? It's wild! It's really wild. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Deandre. Don't cut your hair and call me in a few years (like, sigh, kind of a lot of years), but for me for you, for music? Not doin' it for me.
Nor you, Sanchy. How robot-y was that Whitney Houston jam last night? She sang the wonderful "How Will I Know" and it just didn't work. Not at all. Sanchy can blow, there's no earthly doubt she can blow, but there's absolutely nothing but stringy teenaged desperation behind the singing. It's all talent show mouthy and metallic. I need some crunch, some texture, some dirt, something. I'm sure it's a lovely factory that Jessica Sanchez came out of, but I'm willing to spend the extra money on something handmade. Clearly I disagree with the judges and, it would seem, the majority of the people who watch this show, but oh well. Let Hollie doubly curse me with her tricksy magicks. I must be a bastion of truth! A lighthouse of honesty! I have sworn a holy oath, signed an unbreakable contract, by endeavoring to write about American Idol's 11th season, so I must stick to my vow and tell like it is. "I calls it like I sees it," goes the great and ancient recapper code. My word is my bond.
HAIR TODAY, NOT GONE TOMORROW
The biggest news in the star system last night was that Colton changed his hair. Yup. Nothing too crazy, he just kinda pulled a Travis Birkenstock and white-balled it all out, got rid of all the clutter and made it one simple
Marvin the Martian blond color. It don't look half bad! Of course I wish he would cut that badger's tail off the back of his head, I really wish he would do that, but he seems married to it, I think it might be part of his religion, so there's probably nothing to be done. Anyway, last night Colton sang "Time After Time," which we all know is a wonderful tune, and he sang it with this shrieking emo (is that even a word anymore? Emo?) screech and it all felt awfully heavy-handed, but of course the girlies in the audience ate it up, lapped it up like special sauce (ew? Possibly an ew on that, I'm not quite sure). Colton is kind of getting to that Baby Lockthemdoors level of untouchable at this point, I think. He's pulling pretty far ahead of the pack here. I could be wrong, lord knows I've been wrong before (though I was not wrong last year about Lockthemdoors and I called it for him early, so there). But I just have a feeling. I think everyone at the show has that feeling too.
Speaking of feeling! After Colty's performance, Ryan of course went over to talk to him and, of course, remarked on the hair. And as he did so he reached up his arm (Ryan is always reaching up, so very rarely is he reaching down) and felt his hair. Here is a picture of that celestial event. Oh, Ryan! Shameless flirt! Colton, magnetic demon. Of course on camera, on our televisions, the moment seemed very brief, but, much like the sun, time and space have a way of breaking down the closer you get to Colton, and so Ryan, in his reality, lingered there for what felt like an hour, stroked his hair, surprised by its softness. He ran his fingers through it, let his hand come down to the side of Colton's face, looked into his eyes and there, he could see something, something, something... someone? Was it someone in there, in those black but fiery eyes of Colton's? He stared, and stared, and finally, a tiny whisper floated out of Ryan's mouth: "Tim?" he stuttered. "Tim??" Was it Tim he saw, or some suggestion of Tim, in Colton's deep black eyes? Tim had said he was going home to visit his parents' for a few weeks, it had been so long, and Ryan was busy with travel anyway, so he said OK, he said need a ride to the airport and Tim had said "No Colton's taking me," because of course they are friends, have been close friends now for almost two months. But now... was Tim home with his family? Ryan needed to call, he thought, he needed to check that Tim was safe, that Colton hadn't... done something to him. But then there was that hair. That soft, soft hair. And the vision, or whatever it was, disappeared and Colton's eyes were normal again and he was smiling, and suddenly with a rushing sound the rest of the world snapped back and there Ryan was on the Idol stage, having silly banter with a contestant, no longer in that empty and echoing other dimension, and so Ryan smiled, said he liked the hair, and read off the phone numbers. But still there was a chilly tremble in him, still he knew something was wrong.
Later, Ryan woke up in the middle of the night, back home now, in his old familiar bed. "Tim?" he woke up stammering. "Tim?" Calling out in the dark, calling out in the empty house. Wondering if he was imagining it when he looked at the bedroom doorknob and saw it slowly turning.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.