Behold, Johnny Depp the Indian

This article is from the archive of our partner .

The Call Sheet sifts through the day's glut of Hollywood news to find the stories even non-industry types can care about. Today: A peek at Johnny Depp as Tonto, Amy Poehler goes to war with Catherine O'Hara, and Jeremy Piven heads back in time.

Disney has released the first photo of Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp in the big Lone Ranger movie (above) and it is... sort of bizarre? Or maybe extremely bizarre? Like, what is Johnny Depp's face? What is his face in that photo. He seems really upset about something? Like in an old and tired way. Did the Lone Ranger just fart? I think the Lone Ranger just farted. And speaking of that Lone Ranger, is he "lone" in the way that, like, a "confirmed bachelor" is lone? Like had the same roommate, Barry, for 15 years lone? Because he sort of looks like Austin Scarlett at Andy Cohen's annual Hogs 'n' Heffers party. Maybe that's why Tonto is lookin' at him all weird? "Lone Ranger seem to be hiding something. Tonto love Lone Ranger no matter what, why Lone Ranger not be open with Tonto?" It's just a very strange photo, don't you think? And it once again makes us wonder just what the dickens is going on with Johnny Depp's career anymore. What is he doing? Why is he doing this to himself? Maybe he knows something we don't. Maybe he'll win an Oscar for Tonto. Stranger things have happened. "Tonto want to thank bravest gay American Tonto know..." and then it's In & Out all over again.

Yay! Amy Poehler just wrapped on the fourth season of Parks and Recreation, meaning she's got some time off, so she's decided to join the cast of the comedy A.C.O.D., in which she'll play Richard Jenkins' second wife and Adam Scott's stepmother. That sounds pretty good. The best thing, though? Richard Jenkins' first wife will be played by the great, underused Catherine O'Hara. And the wives apparently don't get along and fight a lot, so it's Poehler vs. O'Hara. That is going to be great. Just great. The only thing that could ruin this movie would be if — oh, goddamn it, yup, Jessica Alba's in it. Sigh. Never mind. [Deadline]

Recommended Reading

Hm. ABC has ordered a summertime series called Duets, in which four singing celebrities travel the country finding undiscovered talent. They then take them back to some sort of singing arena and week after week they sing duets with them and then the winning amateur gets a record deal. Sounds kind of fun! The singing celebrities are Kelly Clarkson, Lionel Richie, Robin Thicke, and Jennifer Nettles. So that would be really awesome to sing duets with Kelly Clarkson! And probably with Lionel Richie (twenty years ago). But Jennifer Nettles? And... Robin Thicke? They're great and all, sure, who doesn't love Sugarland and whatever Robin Thicke is up to these days, but wouldn't you be a leeettle jealous if one of your fellow contestants got to hang out with and sing with Kelly Clarkson every week and you were stuck with raggedy old Robin Thicke? (Or, really, raggedy old Lionel Richie?) Just seems a little uneven, that's all. Maybe a little unfair. But, oh well. We will probably watch the first episode of this and enjoy it but then forget all about it. Can't wait. [The Hollywood Reporter]

CBS has renewed their View-wannabe chat show The Talk for a third season and are keeping the same cast. Everyone loves The Talk, always talking like they are, just talking about all the things they talk about. Everyone loves The Talk, with its hosts who are so great. Like... Mrs. Ozzy... and... Roseanne's... niece. I don't... The Talk! [Entertainment Weekly]

Oh dear. Jeremy Piven is close to signing on to star in an ITV series (that's Downton Abbey's network in the UK) about Harry Gordon Selfridge, the American businessman who opened the Selfridge's department store in London. The story takes place in 1909. That's Jeremy Piven in period times, you guys. Sounds a little bizarre, yes? At least he's still a blustering, hard-charging businessman. That'll be good at least, watching him storm around his office yelling into his telegraph machine. "Let us hug it out, poltroon!" [Deadline]

Everyone get in your shriek-bunkers. Summit Entertainment will be rolling out the first teaser for the last Twilight movie before screenings of Hunger Games. Good heavens. Twilight and Hunger Games crashing into each other in the same movie theater. It's going to be like the end of Melancholia. So many tweenagers are going to lose their damn minds. "It's so beautiful," they'll say, the light so bright it's almost blinding. "They should have sent a poet..." Sitting blown-back in their chairs like the Maxell guy. It's going to be pretty intense, a pretty life-changing event, this convergence of Edward and Peeta and Bella and Haymitch. (All the tweenagers like Haymitch, right?) "I had no idea... No idea..." the girls will whisper, hearts about to burst. And then when it's all over their moms will come pick them up and they'll have to go home and do homework. [The Hollywood Reporter]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.