Another night, another one gone. After Wednesday's CRIME ELIMINATION and all that, last night's just regular old elimination felt a bit staid and boring. It was just what it was, ho hum, oh well. Even if, yeah, it was a little vindicating.
I suppose that before the elimination we ought to discuss what else happened in the episode. I mean, really, there wasn't much. There was a Ford Automotive Musical Video Program once again, and in this one our noble singtestants, who surely don't take scouring hot showers after all of this to wash the acrid reeking stink of corporate shillery off their leathering skin, were in a haunted ghost house! Yup, they were beset by spooks and specters and other various paranormal calamities and boy was it scary. Luckily they had their Ford-brand proton packs and ghost traps so they caught all the bad ghosts (they let the big slobbery gay ghost Slimer, aka Jacob Lusk, stay where he was) and that was the end of the story. It was pretty terrifying, but somehow we all made it through. After the haunted house all the contestants went home and shivered in fetal balls on their beds murmuring "Unclean, unclean" while a Ford executive creepily stroked their hair.
The biggest part of this episode, by far, was of course the musical performance by one Demifriah Lovatorino. Yes, Demi Lovato (for short) came out and song-blasted the audience, bellowing at them about god only knows what, and it was one of those funny moments where you're not sure who is more desperate just then, the contestants or the Professional performing in front of them. Remember a year or two ago, that is to say a season or two ago, when that fool Jason Derulo was brought out on stage because he was some pet project of Nigel Lythgoe's or Simon Fuller's or whoever pulls these hideous cat strings at 19 Entertainment? And the intro was all big and grand like "Jason Derulooooooo" but it was complete nonsense because no one had ever heard of him? Do you remember this? (They did it for some mortifying white guy once too but I can't remember his name. Would someone please, please remind of that guy's name?) Well, whatever, it happend and it was terrible and I'm sure that he must have felt more nervous than the contestants. Because who the f-ck was Jason Derulo? He was lower than Bowersox at that point. (I think it was the Bowersox season. Imagine that, Jason Derulo and Crystal Bowerstinx sharing the same stage. What a world we live in!) Anyway, that's kiiind of what I was thinking about with Demi over there. Like, who the f-ck is Demi Lovato other than someone who beats people up on private airplanes? That's all she is! So she was trying to strut with authority last night and it was kinda like "Wait... what?" Shouldn't she just, like, be a contestant on this show at this point? Demi Lovato. Don't come at me with Demi Lovato. Colton freaking Dixon is more famous than Demi Lovato. For heaven's sake. Oh well. She sounded ridiculous and was wearing some sort of matted elephant skin outfit and the whole thing was just really an auto wreck. It just crunched and creaked and groaned and we all had to consult our insurance. Demi Lovato. I don't even know what that means.