This article is from the archive of our partner .

The Academy Awards are all about celebrating artistry and all that blah blah blah. What they're really about is fabulous fashion, so here are our choices for the standout looks of this year's ceremony. 

The Descendants' Shailene Woodley had a nun embroider her canvas frock: 

Judy Greer, also of The Descendants, goes aerodynamic with a racing stripe:

Nominee Melissa McCarthy is so far away from Mike & Molly right now we hope she never returns:

Perhaps shoulda-been winner Viola Davis rocked a new haircut and yet another striking jewel-tone dress:

Michelle Williams got lots of notice for her Jolly Rancher-colored gown, but we think there's a Lil' Miss pageant somewhere that's missing a garment:

Sacha Baron Cohen, hugely successful Hollywood actor, once again stuck it to the man (who signs all of his many paychecks) with another comedy routine:

If you look closely, you can see Pedro Almodovar hiding under Penelope Cruz's dress:

The completely plain and never gorgeous Natalie Portman got her inspiration from the chair upholstery at a Hilton Garden Inn:

Maya Rudolph mourned her Whitney impression in purple:

Completely robbed Resident Evil star Milla Jovovich was an early-arriving favorite in this white gown from the Swiffer Wet Jet collection:

Proving once again that French people are hideous monsters, The Artist's husband and wife duo Berenice Bejo and Michel Hazanavicius looked like old sewer rats. (Swoon forever):

America's busiest actress, Jessica Chastain ran out of time and was forced to wear wallpaper from a Newport mansion she recently visited:

According to an interview on E!, The Artist's Missy Pyle's dress was made using "cruelty-free" silk worms, marking the 84th year in a row that the 84-year-old Oscars have been kind to worms:

Bridesmaids gal Ellie Kemper has like literally a million pennies for your thoughts:

Her costar Rose Byrne has equally as many black dimes of doom:

Meryl Streep totally The Secret'd this shit by going dressed as an Oscar:

Delightful ray of sunshine Rooney Mara continued to be a cheery creature:

Octavia Spencer's dress likely cost more than her character would make in a lifetime:

Someone let two hobos into the show by accident, one of them so far-gone that her leg is mere bone:

Gwyneth Paltrow's cape makes her England's greatest superhero:

Sandy Bullock goes gourmet Sharon Stone by pairing a T-shirt-looking top with some curtains from a black box theater:

Cameron Diaz really hopes you still remember Being John Malkovich:

"You're totally going to make fun of the cape on SNL, aren't you?" "Ah, yupppp." 

All photos via AP.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to