Steven Spielberg Gets Biblical

Spielberg heads to Egypt, more children's lives will soon be ruined, and Reese Witherspoon's new movie is too sexy.

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The Call Sheet sifts through the day's glut of Hollywood news to find the stories even non-industry types care about. Today: Spielberg heads to Egypt, more children's lives will soon be ruined, and Reese Witherspoon's new movie is too sexy.

Steven Spielberg has told many great stories, but now he is going to tell a Good one. Like, from the Good Book good. The director is very close to signing on to direct Gods and Kings, a retelling of the Moses story that has history's second-best Jewish person (after Steven Spielberg, of course) "coming down the river, being adopted, leaving his home, forming an army, and getting the Ten Commandments." It's going to be combat heavy and "Braveheart-ish," which could be interesting. Obviously nothing will ever beat the bizarrely underrated 1998 animated movie The Prince of Egypt (seriously! that is a good movie!) or, you know, the Charlton Heston classic Planet of the Israelites The Ten Commandments, but it could be interesting nonetheless, no? [Deadline]

Oh good grief. Not content enough to exploit the ruined psyches of kids in the dance world, Lifetime is looking to expand their growing Dance Moms empire into the world of figure skating. Aw, isn't that great? Good for them. Figure skaters are always so even-keeled and well-balanced as is, just look at Tonya Harding and Oksana Baiul, so throwing them, as children, in front of TV cameras and horrible mothers and coaches will just make them even more stable. That's just good psychology right there. Way to go, Lifetime! You're doing noble work, truly. [Deadline]

Hm. Relativity has decided to push the release of their upcoming Snow White pic Mirror Mirror back two weeks to March 30th, from the 16th. Why do this, why now? Probably because The Hunger Games comes out on the 23rd and will level everything else flat that weekend, so better to attack its second, weaker week than be the thing that comes right before it. The problem is now Mirror Mirror is competing with Clash of the Titans 2: Kraken the Books (Perseus goes to college!). So it will be really hard for us to decide on the 30th which movie to absolutely never ever pay $13 to see. "Hm, do I want to never, not in a million years, pay $13 to see Mirror Mirror or absolutely never watch Wrath of the Titans? I'm not going to see both, but which one am I really not going to see?" Tough decisions! [Deadline]

Fox has lost an appeal to the Classification and Rating Appeals Board to get the R rating removed from their upcoming romantic action comedy This Means War. The Reese Witherspoon/Tom Hardy/Chris Pine (poor Reese feel so bad for her must stink) movie got an R because of "some sexual content." Aha. The movie, mind you, is about two spies who probably kill people for a living, but that's no problem. It's the implied doin' it that bothers and ruffles skirts at the MPAA and theater owners associations. The taking of life can be depicted with feverish abandon! The making of it must be hidden behind dark, thick curtains so children can never see it. Makes total sense. (Seriously, why do we have movie ratings again?) [The Hollywood Reporter]

Gasp! SPOILER ALERT. The Good Wife spoiler alert! Actress Archie Panjabi has let it spill that we will soon find out that her character, super sexy pansexual investigator Kalinda, has a husband. Shock of shocks! What's she doing with a husband? Man, that Kalinda. Always full of secrets that one. One minute she's drinking tequila shots and making eyes at Kelli Giddish, the next she's shacked up with some dumb old husband. It'll be interesting to see who plays the guy, as the show has displayed an impressive knack for clever casting. So yeah. Consider yourself spoiled. [Entertainment Weekly]

The Hallmark Channel recently canceled The Martha Stewart Show because the production was too expensive, and now they have replaced her with Marie Osmond, who will have her own daytime talk show on the network. Wow. What kind of guests will that get? "Do you want to come be on Marie Osmond's daytime Hallmark Channel talk show?" "I... [click]" Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Kalinda's husband! We're probably talking Kalinda's husband-level talent here, unless they get someone really good to play him. Or, you know, it won't be that kind of talk show and it'll just be life advice and stuff. Because if anyone's fit to give life advice, it's Marie Osmond. Poor Martha. First the injury of getting fired, now the insult of being replaced by Marie Osmond. Poor, sad billionairess. [The Hollywood Reporter]

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