Within mere days of each other, Celebrity Wife Swamp got up and running, The Celebrity Apprentice announced its new slate of contestants (Teresa Giudice! Clay Aiken! Tia Carrere??), and Rachael vs. Guy Celebrity Cook Off reunited us all with Aaron Carter again. Indeed it seems that, even though it's 2012 and we should be done with this business by now, celebrity competition/reality shows are showing no signs of slowing. Maybe the trend is growing, even! Meaning: We need more show ideas. Good, solid American ideas. Ideas like these ones.
Celebrity Policewomen of Broward County
A spin-off of the TLC real-life cops show, the celebrity edition sees a bunch of female stars (Whitney Port, Tonya Cooley, bizarrely Judith Light) run around Florida helping to stop petty crime on some pretty mean streets. It worked for Steven Seagal, so why not for Nicole Eggert?
Celebrity Work of Art
Bravo gets into the celebrity game with this competition series that has famous folks of note creating artwork each week in pursuit of the top prize. Watch as Kim Granatell draws crude stick figures with a crayon in her fist! Thrill as Ian Ziering manages to glue more macaroni to his hands than on the construction paper! Cheer as George Hamilton wanders off and gets lost in New York City only to be returned by exasperated police officers! Get Tinsley Mortimer to host or something and have at it.
Celebrity Deadliest Catch
An exciting season will turn tragic, and prove fatal for the show, when Jesse Camp, Lark Voorhies, Reginald Vel Johnson, and the rest of the crew of the S.S. San Fernando are lost somewhere off the coast of Dutch Harbor.
Celebrity Virgin Diaries
TLC's beautiful, sexy show makes room for celebrities who are still clutching to their virginity status. Celebrity virgins include Nick Jonas (savin' it), Selena Gomez (ditto), Tim Tebow (a likely story), and Perez Hilton (dontcha think?).
Celebrity Dancing With the Stars
Forget Stacy Keibler (whoever that is) and Bristol Palin (because gross). For one season only, Meryl Streep will paso doble against Charlize Theron, George Clooney will cha-cha-cha circles around Ryan Gosling. Think you liked watching some rando from the Disney Channel do the samba? Wait 'til you see Madeleine Albright do it. These are real famous people, from Amy Adams to Zahara Jolie-Pitt. And instead of Tom Bergeron? Barack Obama hosts.