The Beyoncé Child Is Forthcoming

The chosen one is almost born, all the celebrities are in the tropics for the holidays, and Americans love Tim Tebow.

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Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: The chosen one is almost born, all the celebrities are in the tropics for the holidays, and Americans love Tim Tebow.

The bright star burns hotter in the sky for a reason. It is an omen of the wonder foretold by the ancients. Imminent is the birth of the Chosen Childling, the beacon of light and dazzlement and possible destruction that will lead us through the perilous Mayan waters of 2012. We are speaking of course of Beyoncé and Jay Z's baby, an American Jesus if ever there was one, who is set to be born soon, likely at St. Luke's Hospital here in New York City. The staff is reportedly on alert, laying out bales of hay and summoning three wise men from the East (the Beastie Boys are hanging out on the Upper East Side). Some reports say that she is maybe giving birth even right now! And lo, what joy this angel-babe will bring! All our rotten terrestrial sorrows will be salved, by this the golden child. Soon our pains will end! Beyoncé's baby! Jay Z's proud produce! Hosanna! Come, let us make pilgrimage to St. Luke's and stand vigil and pray there until the security guards chase us away or we just get hungry and tired and bored and go see a movie or something. It's near the Lincoln Square movie theater right? Cool. Sounds good. [Page Six]

Psssst. Are you curious about where celebrities are spending their fabulous holiday seasons? Well, here is some information! Known twinkle-sprite Zac Efron was seen while trying to be incognito on a flight from JFK to Turks and Caicos. So if you happen to be there be sure to listen for the sound of bells and then look for a glimmer of dappled sunshine, as that will herald his approach. Also in T&C is known baby snatcher Demi Moore, who apparently was doing some kind of seductive sex dance at the Parrot Cay resort there, while her daughter Rumer watched. (Rumer has it, anyway!) Meanwhile lots of faaabulousness is going down on St. Barths, including Brett Ratner lighting an enormous menorah (an activity that is decidedly not "for fags", we guess) and Owen Wilson drunkenly hitting on waitresses at Bagatelle and flirting with lusty, busty lasses at the creatively named Le Yacht Club yacht club. Wowee zowee, every time we read something about St. Barths it just sounds like a worse and worse place. Have fun on your festering isle, celebrities! [Page Six, Page Six, Page Six, Page Six]

Speaking of fabulous holiday plans, William, Duke of Cambridge, and his commoner bride Kate Middleton, Earless of Party Supplies, will be spending New Year's Eve at Birkhall, a 53,000 acre estate in Aberdeen owned by William's father, Charles. Chaz and his boo Camilla will be joining them. Wills and Kates will not be staying at Birkhall proper, but rather in one of the outbuildings, perhaps the Teapot Cottage. The Teapot Cottage, as you all know, is a whirling dervish of a place that spins you around so hard and so fast that you are too sick to go on Space Mountain afterward and you regret the whole damn thing. That's what that is, right? We're not confusing our teapots or teacups or whatever? OK, good. Anyway, doesn't that sound like a fun New Year's Eve for two young people? Staying in the middle of the woods at some old teapot house with your dad and his old lady and probably sipping a single warm glass of "champagned sherry" and then going to bed and that's it? Sounds like party central to us. [Us Weekly]

Gallup has done some sort of bogus poll about who are the most admired men and women in the world and topping the list are Barack Obama and his wife Hillary Clinton. (That is what happens when you become Secretary of State, right? Bill Clinton married Albright, didn't he?) Which totes makes sense. But also on the list are human gasbag Donald Trump and, tied with Michele Bachmann, Ellen DeGeneres. Ha. OK. Really what this poll tells us is that we need new people to admire. Are there astronauts anymore? Like, non crazy diaper-wearing ones? What about the Wright Brothers? Are any of them still kicking around? We're feeling something involving flight. Those are good people to admire. Not Billy Graham (also on the list). Come on, people. Never Billy Graham. [Gallup]

Speaking of most admired people, praying quarterback Tim Tebow is America's top pick for next-door neighbor, according to a new complete waste of time survey. The funny thing about the wording is that he's apparently the choice of most "American adults." Haha, yes. Have to make that distinction. American children would most like to live next door to Ban Ki-moon or Lorrie Moore, but American adults want the pretty smiley pray-y guy from the football TV or Brad & Anjahleema (who came in second in this very important poll). Good for you, American adults! Well, and might we add maturely, chosen. It's just inspiring. American adults. Is there nothing we can do when we put our minds to it? [People]
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.