How to Ask for a 'Hitler Youth' Haircut

The New York Times' Alex Williams has found a new trend in haircuts, and it's dangerous, sort of awesome and really offensive--well its name anyway--"The Hitler Youth."

The New York Times' Alex Williams has found a new trend in haircuts, and it's dangerous, sort of awesome and really offensive--well its name anyway--"The Hitler Youth."  The cut, for once, isn't Jon Hamm-approved, instead Williams traces the style's popularity to Boardwalk Empire (the other period show with lots of hairstyles and costumes), David Lynch, some guy from Arcade Fire, and a model The Times declared passé in 2010.  As you can see in the picture above there's no real consistency between David Lynch, the guy from Arcade Fire, and an actual Hitler Youth. That name. Ick. The cut's burgeoning hipness obviously doesn't transcend the Holocaust, so it's not best to call it that, well unless of course, you're  Williams:

Clean-cut young men have been going to F.S.C. Barber in the West Village and asking for the same haircut: buzzed on the sides, longer on top and slicked back with a dab of pomade. You could call it a modified McSqueeb, a J. Edgar Hoover or maybe a Jimmy Darmody, after the character in Boardwalk Empire.

But a lot of them just ask for a Hitler Youth, said Sam Buffa, a founding partner of the barbershop. “I was trying to not use that”  term, he added.

So exactly how are you supposed to ask your barber for a haircut with a grossly offensive name (Mogadishu mop, please. Bataan Death March Buzz if you would so kindly!)? Thankfully The Times' own trend story doubles as a useful guide on how to get the haircut of the season, here's how to ask for it using Williams's gentle euphemisms for the unfortunate-named cut:

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Barber: "What are we doing today?"

You: "So I was reading something in The Times today,"

Barber: "Next..."

You: "Ok ok---Buzzed on the sides, longer on top and slicked back with a dab of pomade."

Best Case Scenario: Ryan Gosling circa Crazy Stupid Love; The Situation

Worst Case Scenario: David Lynch

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Barber: "What are we doing today?"

You: "So I was reading something in The Times today about this haircut of the season ..."

Barber: "Next..."

You: "Ok ok--a modified McSqueeb, a J. Edgar Hoover or maybe a Jimmy Darmody, after the character in Boardwalk Empire."

 

 

 

 

Best Case Scenario: Jimmy Darmody? Or a McSqueeb...

Worst Case Scenario: David Lynch

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Barber: "What are we doing today?"

 

You: "So I was reading something in The Times today about this haircut of the season ..."

 

Barber: "Next..."

 

You: "Ok ok--buzzed temples and flopping forelocks.

 

 

 

 

Best Case Scenario: Maybe ... Zachary Quinto?

Worst Case Scenario: David Lynch

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Barber: "What are we doing today?"

 

You: "So I was reading something in The Times today about this haircut of the season ..."

 

Barber: "Next..."

 

You: "Ok ok--make me look like Win Butler of Arcade Fire, or Hedi Slimane, or Cole Mohr, or David Lynch"

 

 

 

 

Best Case Scenario: He rolls his eyes at you, lets you stay and you can look at yourself in the mirror the next morning without tears.

Worst Case Scenario: David Lynch

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You see, even with the backing of Times' favorites F.S.C. Barbers and Scott "The Sartorialist" Schuman, there is a chance you will end up walking out looking like David Lynch.  But if the haircut gods smiled upon you and people compliment  your new 'do, just tell them to take a picture and save yourself the explaining.