An Animated HBO Roast; A Hypothetical Apology from Brett Ratner

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We realize there's only so much time one can spend in a day watching new trailers, viral video clips, and shaky cell phone footage of people arguing on live television. This is why every day The Atlantic Wire highlights the video clips that truly earn your five minutes (or less) of attention.

What would happen if all the cable networks got together -- in animated floating logo form -- to roast HBO? Lots of John from Cincinnati jokes, you have to think. Maybe a few cracks about how The Corrections is just a Cathouse spinoff for the BDSM crowd. Oh, and a running bit where someone puts a big ball of socks on the dais and times it to see if it moves faster than the average episode of Boardwalk Empire. None of these bits are in College Humor's cartoon roast of HBO, which is OK, since it's more fun to note that AMC could screw up a ham sandwich (assuming Matthew Weiner didn't buy the bread, the mayo, and script the whole sandwichmaking process out years in advance) and how Starz is mainly just soft-core porn mixed with swordfights and Kelsey Grammer monologues. (NSFW) [College Humor]

A barroom meeting with constituents turned into a scene from The Great Santini when Illinois Rep. Joe Walsh started yelling at an apparently friendly audience and all but threatened to send the next person who interrupted him off to live with a band of feral bank regulators. (He also requested a cup of coffee in a very aggressive manner.) Walsh explained the screaming by saying he was working on an empty stomach, which is reasonable. The Atlantic Wire bullpen gets famously fussy when we forget our snacks. [CBS]

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The opening of the new Muppets movie will feature a dance sequence. It will not be in a swamp, but there will be pie and Jason Segal and a milkman and Guy Smiley. On the whole it looks pretty terrific and not at all ironic or self-satisfied. [DanceOn]

Brett Ratner isn't producing the Academy Awards, which is a shame. Not because we like Ratner, but because we were getting pretty excited for Eddie Murphy's Letterman-esque "I should not be hosting this event" persona. What's infuriating is that if Ratner just apologized right away for his anti-gay slur and seemed genuine about it, Eddie Murphy would still be hosting the Oscars. But he can't. Funny or Die has Ratner down: he's the kind of guy who really wishes he was Jeff Spicoli or Fletch. Which only reminds people that Sean Penn and Chevy Chase are Spicoli and Fletch. And Brett Ratner's Brett Ratner. [Funny or Die]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.