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To be fair to ABC, such a special would attract better ratings than anything currently airing or scheduled to air on network TV this year. That's right, even the Poinsettia Bowl.
In a perfect world, such a channel would run three six-hour blocks of classic Simpsons episodes every day, with the remaining six hours devoted to the film works of Troy McClure, who you know from such films as P is for Psycho, Cry Yuma, and Hydro, the Man With the Hydraulic Arms.
The monster rocket will be commanded only by the deranged, with a hand-picked crew of the suggestible and selfish, and fly only to planets where a groups of alien camp counsellors mysteriously disappeared 17 years ago today. Civilian passengers are welcome, especially private investigators who don't realize yet they've been hired to find themselves.
Won't somebody think of the poppy collectors? (Somebody besides opium dealers.)
It is possible to buy shirts online without giving out two credit card numbers, your mother's maiden name, and power of attorney to a guy in Mumbai. But he's really the only guy who consistently stocks non-French cuff dress shirts with 37-inch sleeves.
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