Charlie Sheen To Die Gruesome Sitcom Death (With a Classy Funeral)

The details of exactly how Chuck Lorre will exact his revenge

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You haven't heard much about Charlie Sheen lately, have you? We figured it's been too long. Sheen, after a vivid and explosive bout of addiction and/or insanity, was fired from his top-rated CBS comedy Two and a Half Men, only to be replaced by Ashton Kutcher, who is slated to play play Walden Schmidt -- an "internet billionaire with a broken heart" -- according to the New York Post. But it's not over yet between Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre, the executive producer of the show, with whom Sheen has a contentious history.

TMZ is reporting that details of exactly how Charlie Sheen's character, Charlie Harper, will be dumped from the show. Apparently Harper married "Rose" -- the "neighbor/stalker" he flew to Paris with last season -- but things went downhill quickly when she found him in the shower with another woman. Rose (as she reveals at his funeral) then says at Paris's Metro network, Sheen slipped and fell while both were waiting for the subway, the implication being that Rose pushed him. Rose colorfully describes the accident as a "meat explosion."

But the funeral is supposed to be nice! Reuters/TheWrap reports that pictures have been leaked of Sheen's character's funeral, featuring "delicately arranged flowers as well as Charlie Harper’s signature bowling shirt and cargo shorts." It goes on to say that CBS entertainment president Nina Tassler "praised" Chuck Lorre for "sensitively writing the funeral" as a way for the show to transition to Aston Kutcher, Sheen’s replacement. "I think you have to look at Chuck and you have to look at the genius and the talent behind his writing," she said.

"Meat explosion" and "sensitive writing" do not usually go hand-in-hand, but who knows. And if anyone wasn't bothered about it, it was Charlie Sheen himself, who has apparently promised to host an at-home screening and a party to celebrate his character's death, according to the Post. He said, in true form: "I will be watching my fake funeral, attended by my fake ex-girlfriends, from my very, very real movie theater, with my very real hotties in tow."

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.