Did you know Ben Stein is a hotly-desired sex symbol? No? Clearly you're not reading his work. In the 66-year-old's Friday column in The American Spectator, Stein (actor/lawyer/economist/game show host/conservative pundit) chronicles his latest trip to the beach and what ensues is raw physical attraction. It all takes place at Priest Lake, Idaho where he's hanging out with his "pals" Ray and Jeannie Lucia and Jo and Susan Lucia. Cue the sultriness:
There were hundreds of college age boys and girls calling my name and then shouting "Clear Eyes" and "Bueller, Bueller."
A pretty girl with an amazing tan and tattoos on her side just below her bikini top came up to me and whispered urgently, "I think you are sooo sexy. Can we hang out later tonight?"
"You're kidding," I said. "I'm a fat old man."
"No. I think you're really sexy," she hissed and hugged me while someone took a photo of her and me. "Can we hang out?"
"Not really," I said. "I'm having dinner with these people," and pointed at the Lucias and Tim. She winked and walked away. Then she came back and asked if she could text me. Then she walked away.
Now it's not exactly clear why this flattering lakeside moment was included in a column that's otherwise devoted to the news that his son just had a baby and Stein is now a grandfather (other than to show that the old man still has it). The rest of the piece is a stream-of-consciousness meditation on his worries about what kind of woman his granddaughter will be. At least the whole column isn't an ego trip though. After the girl with the "amazing tan" runs off, he has a wonderful little misadventure at a local convenience store:
Back to Sandpoint. I stopped at The Dairy Depot to pick up a huckleberry milkshake for my wife, whose throat is bothering her. After the counterman made my shake and took my tip, he asked, "Would you prefer I call you ‘Ben' or ‘Mr Stiller?'.
"‘Mr Stiller' is fine," I said.
Just another day in the life of Ben Stein! Role the obligatory tape:
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.