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Prince William and Kate Middleton will be married tomorrow. Until then, royally fatigued media outlets will have to keep coming up with new and highly-specific ways of covering the wedding. Here are some of the ways newspapers managed to keep the couple and the ceremony in the news. It's T-minus 1, people! Check back tomorrow for the recaps, and read our past installments here.

"What the royal wedding means for children of the 1980s" -- The Telegraph

This is the first royal wedding ever for people born later June 21, 1982. For '80s babies who have mainly seen the British Royal Family behaving badly (the Charles/Diana divorce, the various Sarah, Duchess of York scandals) or stricken by grief (Diana's death), it will be a nice change of pace.

"Dems use royal wedding in effort to tie GOP to oil industry" -- The Hill

Never one to waste a crisis--or a fancy royal wedding--the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee launched roilwedding.org yesterday to hit the GOP over its "marriage" to the oil industry. We're surprised it took this long to get an attack ad pegged to the ceremony. It's topical, funny, and allows for references to "the perfect couple." It also implies Republicans are Europeans. Wealthy Europeans.

"Kate and William: Are they Marxists" -- Le Monde

We already know that they're rahs, but are they also Marxists (Rah-marxists, if you will)? English writer Denis MacShane makes the case, in French, that European monarchies have provided "more opportunity for leftist ideas...being translated into public policy" in the years following the Russian Revolution. Fair enough. But would a Marxist ever order a wedding cake with "around 16 different blooms and foliage for their meaning – known as the "language of flowers."

"Why Kate and William have no room for Zog's son" -- The Economist

Zog I (right) was Albania's first (and last) king, and his son Leka was born two days before the family went into exile in 1939. The Albanian monarchy has never been restored, leaving Leka a king without a throne, or a wedding invitation. Montenegro's Crown Prince Nicholas II also was not invited, possibly because he has "lived all his life in France [and] has no obvious British connections." For the four Balkan countries who do have royals in attendance (Greece, Serbia, Romania, Bulgaria) the snubs are "a delicious poke in the eye to any of their neighbours represented by mere ambassadors."

"Flowchart: Should you care about the royal wedding?" -- GOOD

Only if you're an unemployed nihilist with no family who doesn't care about the national debt or global hunger. To which we can only say, lighten up, Francis GOOD magazine.


 

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