At The Atlantic Wire, we have an editorial policy not to print letters that are unsigned, undated, or written by vermin. The Wall Street Journal does not share this philosophy, as evidenced by their decision to publish a poorly-spelled open letter from New Meadowlands Stadium rats taking credit for the generator shortage that delayed Sunday's Cowboys-Giants game by 12 minutes. While we continue to believe no good can come of giving the Meadowlands rats a forum to air their tiny grievances, it should be noted that their letter contains the following demands:
1. WE wanT All OF oUR OlD SEETS BACK and WE DONTT WanT 2 PAY FUR A DUMB "PERRSONAL SEET LICENSE," GOTT it?
2. We WaNT BOth THE JeTz AND THE FUTBALL GIANTS TO HoSt "RATZ APPRESHEEASHUN DAY" WITH freEE FOOD anD PARRKING—AND LET A RAT DO THE coiN FliP.
3. WE wanT TOM COFFLIN TO SToPPP LooKING SO MADDD all THE TIME.
4. WE wanT ReX RYYAN to SToP LEAVING emPTy WRAPPERs EVEREE wheRE.
5. WE WANT BOOMeR ESAISUNN'S JEtZ NuMMBER to B rETIRED.
6. WE WANT GARANTEED TICKUTS FOR THE 2014 SUPER BWOL AND ALL SPRINGSTEEEN AND BON JOVVY SHOWZ.