Underwear Angels Do Not Eat Cinnabons

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Did you know angels are hot? You do if you were ever a 12-year-old boy lucky enough to snatch a Victoria's Secret catalog from the mail on a solitary afternoon before mom and dad came home. But whether these ladies were your pubescent muse or not, you may be unaware of another truth about every single Victoria's Secret angel. Did you know that they are all thin? They are.

"Does it go without saying that no Victoria’s Secret angels are fat?" The New York Times’s Guy Trebay asks. Apparently it does not. "A person cannot be expected to attain the angelic heights on a diet of Tasti D-Lite cone or Cinnabons," he helpfully explains in an obviously Jezebel-baiting peak behind the scenes of the lingerie maker's fashion show.

"This is how an angel earns her wings," Trebay says.

First, she is born, in someplace like Belarus or Florianópolis... Then the angel grows up pretty. (There are no homely angels.) Next, the angel is discovered, most likely in a mall. The angel, at this point, does not realize she is an angel, because the process of becoming an angel requires time and guidance and support and miracles and, O.K., occasionally a sleazy boyfriend, as well as a decision at some point by Steven Meisel, or by some other star-making fashion photographer to choose a woman from among the thousands who would gladly sign away their firstborn for a chance to appear in front of his lens.

The friendly folks in charge of Victoria's Secret casting examine a model for a couple minutes at a time, sort of like at a dog show, but with less uncomfortable touching. One auditioning was Carolyn Winberg, "a tomboyish Swedish model with a board-flat belly and limited décolletage and well-toned buttocks and blond hair that, like that of so many successful models, had been frazzled by styling until it was the texture of wood shavings." The panel was impressed.

There was also Anne Vialitsina, "a model whose career has risen and fallen over tiny weight gains but whose physique that day was so starkly fit that it elicited a collective gasp."

Another, "Maryna Linchuk, a young woman from Belarus who, although she has already been anointed a Victoria’s Secret angel, was auditioning again this year because, as Ms. Mitro said, bodies do change."

But Linchuk was lucky. In seconds she won over the panel,

partly because she is beautiful in an uncontroversial and generic blond way but also because she is brisk and efficient and works out five days a week. The model Angela Lindvall, another occasional angel, at a certain point compared her particular line of work with that of a boxer. 'You have to make weight,' she said. Ms. Lindvall herself once shed 20 postpregnancy pounds to make angel weight by jumping rope and subsisting on nothing but spinach, chard and kale.
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