The Partisan Republican Case for Four Loko

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In today's hyper-partisan, hyper-politicized climate, just about every issue has a Democratic side and a Republican side, with pundits on either side using it to batter their mortal enemies across the political spectrum. You might have hoped that at least an issue as banal as whether alcoholic beverage Four Loko can also contain caffeine might be excluded from the endless bickering and finger-pointing that now dominates our political conversations.

But of course you would be wrong. Moe Lane of the conservative opinion site RedState has examined the FDA decision banning caffeine from Four Loko and walked away with the conclusion that Democratic congressional majorities are a crime against basic human liberties.

This is strictly ‘political’… or more accurately, ‘pandering.’  And if you’re wondering what’s stopping the government from deciding that bars shouldn’t serve Irish or Jamaican coffee - or, God help us, Red Bull and vodka, which is apparently the big club drink now - the answer’s even simpler: nothing.  Nothing at all. If young drinkers start consum[ing] hand-mixed caffeine/alcohol concoctions, the FDA will start going after the organizations that serve them.

Still enjoying that Democratic-controlled executive branch that you helped wish on the rest of us in November of 2008, kids?

Surprisingly, Lane neglects to argue that the Founding Fathers would have agreed with him, which is of course a necessary component of any good partisan argument, Democratic or Republican.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.