'Valentine's Day' Reviews: 7 Sharpest Digs

Critics may hate this movie, but at least they're witty about it

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Valentine's Day--an ensemble romantic comedy from Pretty Woman director Garry Marshall--is supposed to be a celebration of love in all its messy, sappy glory. But the film, which opens Friday, has inspired a remarkable amount of hate from reviewers, who eviscerate it for being plotless, saccharine-sweet, and even satanic. Here, the seven best anti-Valentine's Day zingers:

  • NPR: "Marshall directs as if he's putting together dinner from whatever's in the fridge." 
  • Slate: "Marshall's attempt to please every conceivable audience is like a 200-piece Whitman's sampler. What's the point of getting that much candy if you want to discard every piece after the first bite?"
  • Washington Post: "[T]his feels less like a movie and more like a strategically programmed effort to turn as many demographic groups as possible into mooshy, gooshy, candy-heart-munching morons." 
  • Entertainment Weekly: "'Valentine's Day' assembles a bouquet of blooming celebrity movie stars...shuffles them in skits about love gone right and wrong, and hopes you won't notice that every skit is lame, every line of dialogue is stale, every joke falls flat, and every performance has been phoned in between text messages to agents blinking, 'SOS!'" 
  •  New York Times: "This might not be the Titanic of romantic comedies (it’s tugboat size), but it’s a disaster: cynically made, barely directed, terribly written. But quick: there’s still time to escape!" 
  • Wall Street Journal: "Red, the hue that dominates this movie's palette, is the color associated with both Valentine's Day and the devil. And there's something vaguely satanic about 'Valentine's Day.'" 
  • Finally, Salon uses its review to bash not only the movie but the holiday itself: "'Valentine's Day' involves watching talented and attractive people squander their energies on a pointless and random exercise, which ... hey! Wait a second! That's an excellent description of what the real Valentine's Day does to the rest of us (less talented and attractive though we may be)."
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.