Welcome to Fox News Magazine: Listicles About Fat and Sex

Fox has introduced Fox News Magazine, a site apparently for the ladies, and it is shocking not because it has a conservative take on traditional women's content, but because it has no point of view at all, other than getting clicks through anxiety traps like "10 Reasons You're Not Having Sex."

Fox has introduced Fox News Magazine, a site apparently for the ladies, and it is shocking not because it has a conservative take on traditional women's content, but because it has no point of view at all, other than getting clicks through anxiety traps like "10 Reasons You're Not Having Sex." The huge success of Fox News has been attributed to finding an underserved niche audience: half of America. But the half of America that Fox News Magazine is targeting -- women who want to eat delicious low-calorie desserts, women who want to know why their boyfriends dumped them, women who want to do their makeup like a Victoria's Secret model -- is incredibly well-served.

This "magazine," which we only know is real because it's hosted on the foxnews.com domain, raises so many questions. According to its Facebook page, the thing launched on Monday, and describes itself as "the official lifestyle magazine of Fox News. We cover love, relationships, style, beauty, food, nutrition, fitness, décor, design, and, of course, celebrities."

We expected more from Fox News, maybe a stirring defense of wealth creators and adhering to traditional gender roles. But the closest they come to that is "The Easiest Way to Clean Your Chandelier" and "How to Keep Mealybugs Out of Your Flour." Weak! The site's other stories follow the standard women's magazine formula of "you're not hot enough yet, but you might be someday." Take the story "Brooklyn Decker Reveals Beach Secrets," in which Amber Milt interviews the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue model for tips on looking good in a bikini. This cuts to the core problem with women's magazines. Obviously the No. 1 tip for "looking hot in a bikini," in the Brooklyn Decker sense at least, is "have a small waist and big tits like Brooklyn Decker." But not everyone has those things, so Decker suggests spray tanner and sunglasses, and that, when it comes to beach memories, "you don't remember how you look on the beach, you remember who you had fun with on the beach.."

The site's look is heavy on photographs. But they're all stock photographs, so to spice them up, the magazine has written little jokes on them in girly handwriting. Like this:

Or this:

And:

Here's the food section, which, naturally, is all about not eating it.

All in all, the site makes us want to