The morally bankrupt ways of The Atlantic Wire have finally been exposed. Ultra-religious blogging outfit ChristWire.org, which first warned the world about the corrupting dangers of The Golden Girls, "emosexuality," Bill Murray and rabbit-on-cat rape, has taken aim at the The Atlantic Wire, and yours truly, for its "one-sided agenda" and "morbid obsession" with trying to destroy ChristWire.
This is probably a good time to remind readers that ChristWire is a satirical website, which in the last two years deceived a range of liberal media big wigs including The Huffington Post, Rachel Maddow, Howard Stern and NBC into thinking ChristWire.org is a pious, totally serious Christian forum.
Last year, Citadel offered Internet troll kings and Christwire founders Bryan Butvidas and Kirwin Watson a book deal for The ChristWire Handbook: Staying Saved in a Wicked World which is available now online and in stores.
The book breezes through a range of secular temptations including YouTube cross-dressers, satanic video games and higher education, which could expose your son to the practice of vajazzling according to Tyson Bowers, the book's fictional author whose biography states that he "teaches his youth groups the joys of a sexless life."
Amid the laundry list of vilains is myself and your favorite news site attacked as desperate, liberal propaganda purveyors. It's no secret why the ChristWire flock hates us. We were the first to expose the site as satire: spoiling the fun for its founders, freelance writers and substantial commenter community. En garde!
Below, Citadel offers an excerpt of ChristWire's new book. For the record, I don't live with my parents and the "permanent smug look" on my face is just something I was born with.
THE ATLANTIC WIRE (THEATLANTICWIRE.COM)
This news site is more left than a tree hugger eating tofu, while driving her hybrid and listening to Alan Colmes all at once. Sprout- ing seeds of hate, each article is chalked up with poorly researched accusations and advice columns. It is as if Dear Abby’s ugly stepsister tried to give advice while writing about current events and politics.
With its one-sided-agenda “journalists,” The Atlantic Wire continues to print false articles to discredit right-wing political figures, promote government spending, and heinously support gay "rights." Their articles don’t have a hint of any proper journalistic swagger, nor do they even come close to being any type of source for real news. Do they know there is already a site that twists the truth with poor writing skills? It is called The Huffington Post.
One of the main culprits of The Atlantic Wire is a young blogger named John Hudson. Armed with his laptop and burrowed within his parents’ D.C. basement, John writes hurtful columns trying to destroy anything not atheist or left leaning. John also seems to have a morbid obsession with trying to create the downfall of us personally. He was even credited with creating a fake article, in which he claims to have spoken with the “founders” of ChristWire. How can you call yourself a journalist when you try to attack the word of America’s God with false sources while having a permanent smug look on your face? Obviously John’s mind is filled with dreams of sex brothels and thoughts of sinister malice.
This hack of a news blog actually has a fitting name. With ad revenue plummeting, it is literally drowning in The Atlantic and holding on to a wire.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.