Matt Welch calls this "possibly the worst sports column ever written". I'd say that possibly has one modifier too many. Let me summarize, in the words of a friend: "Sorry that you spent most of your teenage life being serially raped by a psychopath, but the real tragedy is that you missed a bunch of sports highlights!" No, seriously. Maybe it's because I'm not a sports fan, but I want to hop up and down on his editors desk, waving a game of Clue and shouting "What on earth were you thinking?"