If you order a bagel in DC, you should only expect this sort of travesty. Open offer to Ezra: if you provide the lox and cream cheese, I will provide you with one (1) frozen H&H bagel upon which to eat it. Even frozen and reheated, this is a vastly superior option to any bagel so far discovered in DC. And I use the word "bagel" very loosely. As a friend recently remarked, "DC bagels are downright anti-semitic".