Volume 296 no. 1 / Jul.-Aug 2005
Achilles, as Kennedy brother, 89
Albert, Monégasque prince, committed bachelorhood of, 162
Anne, princess, as combat-animal advocate, 156
Aristophanes, "free fornication" utopia conjured by, 135
Astaire, Fred, quid pro quo and, 162
Auden, W. H., as assimilator, 145-148
Augustine, saint, Fondan qualities of, 129
Banda, Hastings, Malawian liberator, imperial suppression tactics of, 38
Bayh, Evan, as marathon man, 42
Blagojevich, Rod, as marathon man, 42
Borges, Jorge Luis, as romantic realist, 141
Bowery, Leigh, performance artist, whole-grain makeup of, 137; urinal headgear of, 137; Madonna and, 137
Bozo, clown, as American icon, 130
Brandt, Boris, reality-TV producer, on Teutonic fertility, 36
Bryan, William Jennings, anti-anti-Semitism of, 68
Bush, George W., pastrami showdown of, 27; as free spender, 27-28;as Reagan, 27-28; as Nixon, 27-28; Thatcherian motionlessness of, 28; fateful tax cuts of, 28, 52-53; as pacesetter, 42; as death-row pinup, 71; batting average of, 122
More Stories
Butler, Rhett, as square dancer, 80-81; as Ted Turner, 133
Camus, Albert, as Weekend at Bernie's prop, 131
Carter, Jimmy, inflation and, 57; vanquishing of, 57, 60; as library-goer, 94; freelance diplomacy of, 98
Castro, Fidel, projected death of, 52, 56; as Kennedy hater, 56; fastball of, 56; as GOP keynoter, 56
Cawein, Madison, blues poet, as Waste Land originator, 145
Chanel, Coco, self-reinvention of, 126; gnomic utterances of, 126; as "horizontal" collaborator, 126; timeless style of, 126
Clinton, Bill, ill-starred library of, 93-94; newfound frailty of, 94; shrinking legacy of, 94; North Korea and, 98-99, 106-108
Clinton, Hillary, presidential prospects of, 38; Cansecan scrutiny endured by, 38; as "Bob Dole in drag," 38
Coxey, Jacob, industrial army of, 66
Darwin, Charles, heresies of, 73-74
Day, Dorothy, Fondan qualities of, 129
Dyomochka, "Spets," mobster, as reality-TV producer, 36
Eliot, T. S., as long-underwear advocate, 142; as Orwell antagonist, 142; plagiaristic tendencies of, 142, 145; despairing Christianity of, 143; fascistic leanings of, 145; death wish of, 145; overcompensatory headgear of, 145; midwestern roots of, 148; rhythmic grumbling of, 148
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, elderly enclaves and, 80; on human bondage, 140
Faithfull, Marianne, as glamour groupie, 137; clear eyes of, 137
Fillmore, Millard, general unremarkability of, 51
Fitzgerald, F. Scott, resurrection of, 127
Fonda, Henry, remote control exercised by, 130-133; as Tom Joad, 131; obscurity of, 133
Fonda, Jane, as fantasy Rather spouse, 129; Columbian counterexample of, 129; patriotic bona fides of, 129-133; as Barbie doll, 130; mea culpas of, 130-132; aerobic idealism of, 132; as trapeze artist, 133
Fontenot, Cathy, prison warden, on mortality, 89; on hope, 92
Freytag-Loringhoven, Elsa von, tail-lighted gowns of, 137; spoon necklaces of, 137; as revolutionary, 137; as nut case, 137
Frist, Bill, as marathon man, 42
Gibson, Mel, as death-row pinup, 71
God, as Republican, 57, 94; fiancées of, 93
Gomaa, Ali, Egyptian grand mufti, as anti-fundamentalist, 40-44; as close reader, 40-44; entrepreneurial flock of, 44; on elegance of sharia, 44
Gore, Al, as podcaster, 13; televised Google searches and, 13; swollen face of, 94
Göring, Hermann, sword of, 87
Grant, Cary, sublimity of, 125
Hamlet, lustful mother of, 135
Hepburn, Katharine, as scorekeeper, 162
Hirst, Damien, avant-garde taxidermy of, 156; seashells and, 156
Honoré II, Monégasque prince, enduring serenity of, 162
Hood, Robin, as meddler, 149
Hope, Bob, as courtier, 163
Huckabee, Mike, as marathon man, 42
Huxley, Aldous, anticlimactic passing of, 162
Jagger, Mick, trousers of, 137
John Paul II, as death-row pinup, 71
Johnson, Gary, former New Mexico governor, as Ironman, 42; as Everest conqueror, 42
Johnson, Samuel, as marriage counselor, 140
Kelly, Grace, as bearer of sex and class, 162; disapproving father of, 162; as "Miss Frigidaire," 162; queenlier-than-thou qualities of, 162; silver-screen comeback of, 163
Kennedy, John, skin-deep vitality of, 88; as Greek to us, 89; mob ties of, 126; brutal coarseness of, 126; baffling appeal of, 126
Kennedy, Joseph, closeted skeletons of, 88
Kenyatta, Jomo, Kenyan liberator, imperial suppression tactics of, 38
Kerry, John, as windsurfer, 42; as alleged marathoner, 42; French-proof maneuvers of, 81-84; as sleepyhead, 81-84; European heart of, 84; as goose slayer, 156
Kim Jong Il, threat posed by, 97-108; scorched-world policy of, 98
Landry, Tom, honorary highway of, 86
Lauren, Ralph, embattled muse of, 151
Lenin, V. I., organizational skills of, 118
Marcos, Ferdinand, as no Saddam Hussein, 120
Maugham, Somerset, on sunny shadiness of Monaco, 162
McCarthy, Mary, horrible marriage of, 127
Merckx, Eddy, Belgian cyclist, greatness of, 13
Monroe, Marilyn, declined throne of, 163
Montparnasse, Kiki de, as Man Ray model, 137; Hemingway and, 137; peasant roots of, 137; dead fish and, 137
Moynihan, Daniel Patrick, on radical possibilities of prosperity, 64
Narcissus, as Kennedy brother, 89
Nixon, Richard, drunken-sailor spending of, 28; permanent crisis created by, 28, 52
Oedipus, as Kennedy brother, 89
Onassis, Aristotle, royal matchmaking of, 163; as "éminence Greece," 163
Orwell, George, as Eliot nemesis, 142
Ovid, on female eroticism, 135
Pallenberg, Anita, as Faithfull companion, 137
Pawlenty, Tim, as marathon man, 42
Pound, Ezra, indiscipline of, 143; "batty, sinister universe" inhabited by, 148; as April fool, 148
Prometheus, as Kennedy brother, 89
Rainier, Monégasque prince, manifold worries of, 162-163; ill-timed death of, 162; "pinhead country" of, 162; laundress forebear of, 163; cursed family of, 163; as "Fat Little Monaco," 163
Rather, Dan, as fantasy Fonda spouse, 129; as Klingon Twain, 129
Rice, Condoleezza, as sword-rattler, 97
Rogers, Ginger, quid pro quo and, 162
Rumsfeld, Donald, training wheels and, 115
Russell, Bertrand, as Eliot helpmeet, 145
Sanford, Mark, South Carolina governor, as cyclist, 42
Sedgwick, Edie, influential frame of, 137; as speed freak, 137; blown inheritance of, 137; pampered legs of, 137
Sinatra, Frank, sublimity of, 125; mob ties of, 125-126; sweetness of, 125; viciousness of, 125; as masculinity personified, 125; on Grace Kelly, 162; as courtier, 163
Sitwell, Edith, as animal-rights activist, 155
Stephanie, Monégasque princess, elephant trainers and, 162; trapeze-artist beau of, 162; as X-rated spam subject, 162
Stewart, Jimmy, as source of heat, 162
Suharto, as no Saddam Hussein, 120
Tantawi, Mohammad Sayyed, Egyptian mufti, sex-change fatwa of, 44
Thatcher, Margaret, zero-rotation policy of, 28
Theseus, as Kennedy brother, 89
Truman, Harry, nonexistent regrets of, 122
Vadim, Roger, Fonda spouse, Hefnerian air of, 131; casting couch of, 131; as satyr, 131; "charming addictions" of, 131
Vilsack, Tom, as marathon man, 42
Virgil, as retirement planner, 80
Webb, Del, Sun City impresario, internment camps and, 81
Webster, John, on chicken intelligence, 156
Wells, Jonathan, as "intelligent design" innovator, 74; Moonies and, 74
Wilson, Edmund, as magician, 126; as polyglot, 127; as haute vulgarizer, 127; as terrible husband, 127; as carnal diarist, 127; accessibility of, 127; tragic obsolescence of, 127
Wise, Bob, West Virginia pol, black belt of, 42; as world-class clogger, 42; bum knee of, 42
Wolfowitz, Paul, as "P-Dubs," 110; unruly hair of, 110; endearing awkwardness of, 110; on Baath-mafia parallels, 110, 118; on WMD, 113-114; as pre-9/11 dove, 118-120; on imperfection, 122
Yamada, Shinya, pop accountancy of, 148
Yandle, Tom, as stag-hunt steward, 151-153; lambs of, 157-158
Yeltsin, Boris, vodkacracy of, 64
Yoda, as arms dealer, 87