Last week, the Atlantic asked readers to share with us the one thing people didn't understand or appreciate about looking for work. This weekend, we published the first batch of responses in two pieces: The Unemployed Speak and Advice from Employers. This third post is our longest yet, culled from more than a hundred entries through comment sections and email in just the last few days.

If you have something to add, you should leave your response in the comment section below or send a note to our private email account Thank you all for sharing your stories. And keep reading and sharing.


"Possibly the worst thing about being unemployed is having to suffer through the pundit and the politician classes gassing on interminably about what it's like to be unemployed, what kind of people are unemployed and how they think and act, when none of them knows or understands one damn thing about it, nor do they even want to. Get down here on the ground, and try to go a year on $350 a week with no hope in sight, and then tell us why the lazy unemployed just need a good swift kick to get the country moving again."


"The most difficult part of the job search is waiting for permission to give up"

The most difficult part of the job search is:

1. that I don't live near a factory or outsource outlet in China, India, or Malaysia.

2. trying not to appear desperate for a job when I am, in fact, quite desperate for a job.

3. that I am subject to everyone's advice on how to get a job, but no real job leads.

4. that I am reminded that having a good job is not an entitlement.

5. that when I become depressed from my job search, I'm told told to cheer up or else give a bad vibe to prospective employers ... yet when I become happy through non-search related activities, I am reminded that I should be looking for work

7. that when I confide to friends and family that I have "given up" to pursue more fruitful interests,  it elicits a crushing look of disbelief, disappointment, and disgust

8. waiting for permission to give up.

If looking for a job is a full-time job, then are you "fired" when you never (after many resumes, networking events, and workshops) find a job?

"The worst thing is the impact on my kids."

I am over the bruises to my ego; I just ignore my mother-in-law completely now. The worst thing though is the impact on my kids. We were making $120K plus two years ago. Now, about $35K. Lost the house. Thankfully still in the same school. That said, the kids went from being respectably comfortable in their cohort to being comfortable if tattered (used clothes, battered rental, same old car, no summer trips, etc.). Thank God they are still young (just started third grade) but we're not having any sleepovers here no matter how much they ask. I am afraid for the social impact on them. They are so upbeat, so enthusiastic. They don't know we're in a ditch. It would break my heart if they figured that out.

"I think the most difficult part for many is going to be the fact that so many companies will not hire someone who doesn't currently have a job!"


"I graduated with a Ph.D. in Education from Purdue University. After a first month and a half, I was moonlighting as a janitor."

I graduated with a Ph.D. in Education from Purdue University in May and moved back to my home state of Colorado. I was fortunate enough to stay with friends who live in a large house in a well-to-do suburb of Denver. Every day, I spent hours looking for jobs and painstakingly tailoring my cover letters and resumes to jobs. After the first month passed, I was embarrassed that I could not find a job and that I looked like a mooch. Even worse, when I did have phone interviews I failed them spectacularly because I was so nervous because I knew the stakes were high. Not to mention I have a terrible phone voice. As the days passed, I kept looking at my phone willing it to ring with an offer for an interview. The phone was blank.

What people don't realize is that it costs us precious money to put together mini portfolios for interviews, or to print and mail certain documentation (such as transcripts). There are a lot of financial sacrifices related to job searching that are being made that on the surface appear trivial, but do impact a budget.

The worse thing about phone interviews is that they focus so much on behavioral questions and interpersonal work place scenarios. They never point blank ask what your story is or why you want the job. Being labeled "unemployed" is humiliating because it conjures up imagery that is far from reality.

I learned to be prudent with gas and did not drive my car unless it was absolutely necessary. I clipped coupons like mad and shopped at the dollar store. The worst part about living in a well-to-do neighborhood is that you begin to wonder what you did wrong and what others did so well. Did I spend too much time in graduate school? Will I ever be able to pay my student loans off? How long can I keep my car running? But you also gain more empathy for people who are in similar situations. It also opened my eyes to gave me another lens from which to view society's problems. I wasn't reading or researching about it, I was living it.

After the first month and a half, I landed a retail job part time and moonlighted as a janitor in the evenings (my co-worker has an MFA in Creative Writing, so we joked that we were the mostly highly educated janitors in Denver). I was proud to finally have work but the self-doubt increased. I was finally offered a job last week. I am excited and relieved, but I am still keeping my retail job on the weekends to pay off my student loans.

"Unemployment doesn't mean you have "free time". It's a FT job looking for work. And even when you aren't, you're occupied with other things in your house (especially if you have kids)."


"Even the employed (who have taken a job to be employed in this economy) are not having a swell time of it."

I was unemployed for 7 months (5 months to find a job in my pay range that turned out to be "false advertising" so I left to look for other employment which took an additional 2 months and a 90 mile move [had to sell one house and buy another]).

The employer that I worked for in 2009 laid off 30% of its workforce only to advertise for those positions using "Company Confidential" ads (and the dumbasses had a "mail forward" on the email account that returned the true employer's identification on my "read receipt").  The job I took is so different from my previous and I have been expected to be a mind reader. The "personality" fit is so wrong for me, so I continue to look. That being said, as companies are trying to find ways to cut their budgets, they are offering previously "cut" positions with such ridiculous wages that it is hard to find employment in the "pre-crisis" pay range where the "personality" and skill requirements make for that perfect employment "marriage."  A lot of firms are now posting want ads with "Company Confidential" status, which potential employees are sure to avoid due to the "unknown" employer seeking applicants (i.e., are you applying for your previous job or are you applying to your current employer?).  As you can tell - I'm sending "blind applications" to "blind employers."  Even the employed (who have taken a job to be employed in this economy) are not having a swell time of it.
"Unemployment dehumanizes the real person. They lose the essence of their identity and value. To become a number, a label, a resume, a failure, a defect, unproductive, desperate, wishful, delusional, depressed, poor and separated from respectful society.  Being unemployed is to be silently disrespected. On a par with being homeless, mentally ill or addicted."

"Getting a graduate degree is the worst decision I've ever made."
I've read many articles similar to this one and have never responded to any of them but today I felt the need to respond, so here's my story: 

I'm an African American woman in my late 20s.  I worked my way through my undergraduate degree and finally received it just as the recession started.  As a result, few people were hiring then.  So, after spending nearly 2 years volunteering and helping out my family in whatever ways I could I headed to graduate school (a decision that I now consider to be the worst decision I've ever made).  I'm nearly finished with that degree and after a year of being a graduate teaching assistant in my program, personal reasons dictated that I relocate closer to my family.  As a result I've spent the last year unemployed.  I recently began working part-time at a big box store--on the sales floor making what I made at my last retail job 5 years ago--and I'm probably the most educated person in the store.  I can't get a management position because I don't have enough experience in retail--so I've been told on several interviews.  Apparently, teaching adult students--both in the classroom and as a volunteer tutor--are not skills easily transferred to the training of adult workers in a retail store. 

I'm starting to feel like something is wrong with me internally.  I know that I've made some poor decisions in my life (getting a graduate degree in women's studies is the biggest among them), but I'm still out here trying.  I've applied to literally hundreds of jobs, and for all of those hundreds of jobs I've had maybe four interviews.  Only one of those jobs paid a human wage.  I'm not asking for much.  I would just like to make $30,000 a year.  At least that way I could afford to sleep on a bed again.  Did I mention that I haven't slept on a real bed in over a year?  I go out of my way to help people, not because I want something from them, but because I've always been this way, and when I need something (and I don't usually ask for help), no one is ever there to help me.  

It's sad to know that if I didn't have to work my way through school and take extra time, I'd probably have a job now. It was that extra year that put my entry-level job search in the recession's beginning.  I look at my peers who are getting married and having children and generally living life and it's depressing.  They've got jobs, health insurance, relationships, homes; I don't even have a real bed to sleep on.  

So people can criticize the educational choices that I've made. I've criticized myself more severely than anyone else can.  I know my graduate degree was an awful, awful idea. Especially since my research ideas didn't get much traction in the department.  People can say that I should have become a nurse, or an engineer or whatever else, but when I started college and the economy was still good young people were sold the idea that they should 'follow their passions'.  The jobs were supposed to come.  I didn't take out a mortgage for a property I couldn't afford; I didn't participate in credit default swaps or create a Ponzi scheme.  I went to college and educated myself.  I've spent countless hours at libraries educating myself.  I've taken care of sick relatives and taught immigrants how to read and write in English--with no pay.  But I'm not responsible enough to run a retail store. I could have spent those hours drinking or partying or whatever else, but I've spent them trying to 'improve' myself in different ways because I seriously feel like I'm damaged goods.  Why else can't I pin down a full-time job with some benefits?  

I hope someone can find something of value in my words.