The Best Fake Martian Story Ever: 'Mars Peopled by One Vast Thinking Vegetable'

Sure beats little green men.

Thumbnail image for marslife.jpg
When people imagine Martians, they tend to think of variations on human life. Percival Lowell, expounding the theory that the mythical canals of Mars were created by martians, even imagined the kind of bureaucracy they'd have to develop for such a public works project. Martians, that is to say, generally reflect life on Earth the way a western tends to show the values and tensions of the year it was made, not only the year in which it was set. 

But then along comes this theory of Martians published in The Salt Lake Tribune in 1912. Here we see that Martian life is all vegetation, but it's watched over and controlled by one enormous eye shooting what must be 100 miles into space. 

What did this massive Martian brain think about? "The vast intellect of Mars is occupied with the problems of gaining subsistence from the dying planet and then with investigations of the boundless universe that lies within its sight," the Tribune said. 

The paper attributes the theory to William Campbell, who was the director of the Lick Observatory. But that's a bald fabrication, as Campbell explained in a later letter. Really, it's not obvious who proposed the fantastic and fantastical story of Martians. There's no byline on the story and it resided in a part of the paper that contained other barely believable "weird" news. 

It grew out of some ideas that Lowell and others had about the canals being lined with vegetation that varied seasonally. But from there, it's pure creativity, weirdness, and pencil sketches. 

You can read the whole article here, but here is the best (i.e. most fascinatingly wrong) paragraph:
Before considering this theory further, we must bear in mind a few of the proved facts about Mars. It has atmosphere, seasons, land, water, storms, clouds and mountains. It also rains and snows on Mars, as it does with us. Great white patches appear periodically upon its surface. These may be accumulations of snow and they have also been called "eyes."
Presented by

The Blacksmith: A Short Film About Art Forged From Metal

"I'm exploiting the maximum of what you can ask a piece of metal to do."

Join the Discussion

After you comment, click Post. If you’re not already logged in you will be asked to log in or register.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Video

Riding Unicycles in a Cave

"If you fall down and break your leg, there's no way out."

Video

Carrot: A Pitch-Perfect Satire of Tech

"It's not just a vegetable. It's what a vegetable should be."

Video

An Ingenious 360-Degree Time-Lapse

Watch the world become a cartoonishly small playground

Video

The Benefits of Living Alone on a Mountain

"You really have to love solitary time by yourself."

Video

The Rise of the Cat Tattoo

How a Brooklyn tattoo artist popularized the "cattoo"

More in Technology

Just In