Predictably, everyone hates the first page of David Foster Wallace's masterpiece. Here's a sampling of the responses:
You know your story needs more work, so you don't need anyone to tell you what you already know.
No discernible voice/tone in this writing. Rambling descriptions. I, frankly, do not care where each and every person is seated. I don't care what shoe you're wearing. If you take out all the unnecessary details, you'd be left with about seven words.
This needs some serious work... your writing is not formal, as Danielle thought... it is written in informal language that imitates the qualities commonly believed to be characteristic of formal language.
I recommend checking out "The Elements of Style" by William Strunk and E.B White... that should help to clear a few things up.