Suggested campaign songs for several of the likely contenders
Unofficial campaign songs are used by presidential candidates to fire up crowds, evoke positive emotions from voters, and attract cease-and-desist letters from aging rock 'n roll acts. What should this year's contenders buy on iTunes and blast through sound systems of questionable quality?
Mitt Romney - "Taking Care of Business," Bachmann-Turner Overdrive
It's an upbeat song, most people like it, and the only lyrics the average voter is likely to remember conveys the precise message that the former Massachusetts governor wants delivered:
And I'll be
Taking care of business (every day)
Taking care of business (every way)
I've been taking care of business (it's all mine)
Taking care of business and working overtime
Is there any better double-entendre for a business friendly Republican who wants to be seen by independents as a can-do manager?
Take that, Donald Trump!
The Debate Zing: Says Donald Trump, "When an employee tells me 'I love to work at nothing all day,' there's a line that I say back. You know what it is, don't you?"
The Retort: "I actually do watch your show, Donald. It's very entertaining, and if the American people want a president who would keep Garey Busey around week after week on his staff, they know where to look."
Sarah Palin - "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," Pat Benatar
Her whole ethos echoes through this song. "Why don't you hit me with your best shot? ...You don't fight fair. But that's okay, see if I care. Knock me down. It's all in vain. I'll get right back on my feet again."
The Debate Zing: Says Mitt Romney, "Sarah, I've listened to your campaign song, and it almost seems like you want to be attacked."
The Retort: "I think that zing is, I've heard it before, and especially here at the Reagan library, to hear a lame-stream media talking point, that's not especially when we've got Obama to beat what the American people want to hear. So if that's your best shot, I hate to say that I've got my lipstick case right here, Mitt."
(This may be too savvy a pick for Palin. It's very possible that she'll instead choose "Into The Great Wide Open" by Tom Petty in an attempt to evoke Alaska's splendor, ignoring the advisers who try to point out that there is no recovering from the zing that she's "a rebel without a clue."
Newt Gingrich - "Political Science" by Randy Newman
Ever since Ronald Reagan tried to appropriate "Born in the USA" without quite realizing its actual message, politicians have been using songs in ways that rile up the artists who wrote them. Who better to take this to the next level than the former Speaker of the House? He's a master at earnestly asserting what is self-evidently absurd if it gets him attention or wins points with the right subset of the base. Should he fashion himself the bellicose hawk in this race, what better soundtrack than this?
We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them
Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us
The Debate Zing: It'll probably only happen if Ron Paul is still in the race, and he'll deliver that diatribe regardless.