Some people do Top Ten lists, but this one goes up to eleven. While many, many nuggets of news have emerged from the WikiLeaks cable dump, find below the top headlines that probably won't surface anytime soon:

1. White iPhone Coming to Verizon Next Month
2. Iran Close to Weaponizing Bedbugs
3. Google's Global Robot Army Barely Competent
4. Vladimir Putin Deeply Afraid of Clowns, Mice
5. China Analysts Expect L.A. Food Cart Bubble to Burst Catastrophically in 2011
6. Fake Taliban Negotiator Trained in French Mime School
7. Muammar al-Qaddafi Tired of Wearing Hat
8. Ayatollah Khamenei Still Confused by 'Inception' Plot
9. Justin Bieber at Center of China-Japan Maritime Dispute
10. Ahmadinejad Reveals Feminine Side in Fireside Meeting Atop Bear Rug
11. Kim Jong-Il's Sunglasses Equipped With Backscatter X-Ray Vision Capabilities