Eat Oatmeal Or The Terrorists Win

More

Longtime readers of this blog will recall my patriotic affection for rolled oats, water and fruit and abiding intolerance of anyone who does not share in the love. People who microwave their oatmeal belong on the "Do Not Fly" list. People who do not eat oatmeal belong on the "You Are What's Wrong With Everything" list.  This is America. And these are the rules. Don't like them? Take your stuffed-brioche-french-toast ass back to Aix-en-Provençe (Proper pronunciation "Axe Un Province.")


For those who know this great country, like I know this is great country--which is to say those who have heard the gospel of awesome oatmeal and found themselves born anew--I have glorious news. I have discovered the greatest bowl of oatmeal ever made, in the most unlikeliest place in the world. The place is Flour Bakery in the town of Cambridge.

For the good of your country, you have got to get up on this--creamy perfectly cooked steel-cut oats. Fresh fruit sliced and diced right here in U.S. of A. Washed down with a hot cup of coffee. It's enough to make me ignore the hipsters at the counter with their smiles, good service and polite manner.

"But TNC," you say. "I thought you were real American? What are you doing hanging out in the communist commune of Cambridge?" 

Bite me Sharia-boy. I'll have you know that in the time you phrased that question, I punched five Muslim atheists and broke up a game of hacky sack. My star-spangled armor is supreme. And when it comes to awesome oatmeal, no power in the socialist-verse can stop me. 

Eat oatmeal. Your country is counting on you.


Jump to comments

Ta-Nehisi Coates is a national correspondent at The Atlantic, where he writes about culture, politics, and social issues. He is the author of the memoir The Beautiful Struggle. More

Born in 1975, the product of two beautiful parents. Raised in West Baltimore -- not quite The Wire, but sometimes ill all the same. Studied at the Mecca for some years in the mid-'90s. Emerged with a purpose, if not a degree. Slowly migrated up the East Coast with a baby and my beloved, until I reached the shores of Harlem. Wrote some stuff along the way.

Get Today's Top Stories in Your Inbox (preview)

Sad Desk Lunch: Is This How You Want to Die?

How to avoid working through lunch, and diseases related to social isolation.


Elsewhere on the web

Join the Discussion

After you comment, click Post. If you’re not already logged in you will be asked to log in or register. blog comments powered by Disqus

Video

Where Time Comes From

The clocks that coordinate your cellphone, GPS, and more

Video

Computer Vision Syndrome and You

Save your eyes. Take breaks.

Video

What Happens in 60 Seconds

Quantifying human activity around the world

Writers

Up
Down

From This Author