"Dude, I go to Chili's all the time and have two-for-one margaritas, and then I get in my car. Am I drunk? No!"

         ------   Now ex-Miami Herald reporter Jose Cassola, after a drunk-driving arrest.

And while we're at it, here's the understatement of the week, from a story about a teenager with a gun and a generalized contempt for traditional family values:

"Her grandson was being very disrespectful," Anderson said. "She asked him to leave and upon leaving when they got to parking lot, he said a few choice words to her and started shooting at her." The suspect's father said his son does not have a good relationship with his grandmother.