'Twas the Day After Christmas

A guest contribution from commenter Anony-mouse, aka A Mouse for All Seasons

"T'was the Day After Christmas"


T'was the day after Christmas, and all through the house
Some creatures were stirring, but mostly to grouse.
The stockings were emptied, where iPads had thronged
And now surfed the Internet, where Something Was Wrong!
 
The children, who should have been snug in their beds,
Had started political argument threads.
And mama in her kerchief, now typed in ALLCAPS,
While I argued charts and downloaded new apps.
 
When out in the driveway there came a car horn,
And quickly we aside the curtains had torn.
Thus from online fighting we briefly repent
To see whether FedEx had perhaps been sent.
 
The sun on the crest of the four-day-old snow
Gave way to a creature with a flourish and a bow!
And what before our bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a Renaissance hat and a tiny rapier!
 
With a fur coat so dashing and whiskers so merry,
I knew in an instant his name might be Jerry.
And taller than porch roof his packages came,
And he categorized all their contents by name!
 
"Now Danbo!  Now Edam!  Now, Gouda and Belmonte!
On Fynbo! On Rodoric! On Bergkäse and Stilton!
To the cracker supply! To the Pinot Noir!
Now savor it, savor it, savor it all!"
 
But dry heaves o'ertook us, the one and the all,
For politics had filled us with bile and gall.
He wist not a thing and drave open the door,
Then glideth so neatly across the wood floor.
 
And then, in a twinkling, he asked: "Why the fret?
Are you really so angry at no-one you've met?
You might disagree with a fellow or two,
But what is the point of 'I'm rubber, your glue'?"
 
His words were anathema, for how could it be
That any but fiend would dare argue 'gainst me?
And both mama and children faced visitor with dread:
"Not one true Scotsman would say what you've said!"
 
But with eyes that still twinkled, and whiskers fanned thin,
He produced a Kyocera Ceramic Mandolin.
"Come now, I've found out that most things are better
When discussed over slices of very sharp cheddar."
 
So we're chubby and plump for we've feasted on cheese,
And have set aside difference with greatest of ease.
The Wide Web will be there when comes the New Year
And then we resume our old climate of fear.
 
But for now we're vesting our time to good ends,
By toasting our enemies as possible friends.
And if you would care now to join us tonight,
We've cheeses and Merlot and warm firelight.
 
That mouse, he's an odd chap who bumbles and squeaks
And his mood seems to change with the day of the week.
But I heard him exclaim as he waltzed out of here,
"Merry Christmas to All, and a Happy New Year!"