The Ultimate Newsweek Cover Line (UPDATED, AGAIN)

Newsweek has fallen on hard times, and the Washington Post Co. is putting it up for sale. Thoughtful context here and here. I have no long-term solutions. But if they're looking to goose newsstand sales, Matt Cooper, a triple-crown veteran of Time, Newsweek, and U.S. News, once came up with the greatest newsweekly cover line of all time:

"What Would Jesus Eat? The New Science of Biblical Diets Could Be The Secret to Weight Loss."

Having never worked at a newsweekly myself, I'll defer to Matt. But it always seemed to me like there was one more station of the cross when it came to newsweekly cover lines, which is why my own ultimate line would be:

"Jesus: Was He Gay? The New Science"

If anybody can top those, I'd like to hear it.

UPDATE: Slate's John Dickerson, a newsweekly vet, weighs in via Twitter (#BestNewsweekCoverline) with this powerful contender:

"The Jesus Twitter: How Social Networking Can Save Your Family (and your soul)"

That's sharp--I forgot the "latest tech trend" meme

LATER UPDATE: Goldblog offer this one:

"Abe Lincoln's iPad: Tech Secrets Steve Jobs Learned from the 16th President (and from Mary Magdalene, Too)."

And @jdickerson (#FF) again:

"Democracy's First Facebook: How America's founders were just like us."

I think I've fallen out of medal contention here...

STILL LATER UPDATE: Powerful contributions from commenters Der Blindschtiller:

"Jesus: Why I'm shorting Goldman and 10 Useful Tips on Saving More Than Just Your Soul."

...and Sean_Atlantic:

"Give it to Caesar: How Jesus would pay off the national debt"

*Non journo-geeks: joke here is that studies show Jesus covers cause magazine sales to jump.