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ATLANTIGRAMS
(6/2/95-6/16/95)

This contest is now closed. But enjoy!

(Click here to go directly to the winning entries.)

T here are a lot of words in The Atlantic Monthly. And we don't mean that the magazine is notably verbose; we mean that the phrase THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY has a treasury of shorter words mixed up in it. For example, HEALTH can be found in THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. And so can HOTEL, and MOTEL, and MONEY--but not MOOLAH, because there's only one O to be found in the longer phrase.

In this month's word game, write a sentence using words findable as above in THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. For example, a legitimate sentence (but not a very original one) might be:

I hate Clinton.

A longer sentence (but perhaps not a totally scientific one) might be: A mole can chant, tho' a camel can't.

An illegitimate sentence (because its last word uses the letter "i" more often than it occurs in THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY) would be:

My mail came on the Titanic.

Okay, got the idea?

Okay, serve your sentences!

--EC and HR



ATLANTIGRAM Contest Results

(All names without @ symbols are AOL screen names.)

"Can Emily attain manic mentality alone?"

This critical question was posed by ALums48454 as an entry in our Atlantigrams contest. The answer is emphatically affirmative--but of course it helps to get hilarious e-mail from one's fellow lunatics (er, wordplay lovers).

A few folks confined themselves strictly to anagrams of the 18-letter phrase THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. Of the entries in this line, our favorites were "Tilt thy methanol can" (Landlord1), "In the match, tally not" (RevMJK), and "All that ointment, YCH!!!!!!" (WordGamer).

Of those who availed themselves of the longer "Atlantigrams," several managed to coin new apothegms--maxims to live by in the 1990s--such as:

He that hath no match may come home to a lonely canyon in hell. (JebMar)

A little calamity can contaminate a canal. (Mikey 1972)

The lame ant can't come home to the ant hill. (BDPnApril)

Moth hell hath no lite. (Kammy W)

In selecting our finalists, we found ourselves alternately laughing at funny sentences and marveling at elegant ones. The comical and the lyrical are both represented in the winning entries below by Hotznplotz, Shmaltzy, and Arglbargl. But we thank and congratulate *all* our contestants, whose creative sentences gave us many moments of mirth and wonderment.

--EC and HR


***Our Three Winners***

Teach me the Laotian national anthem. (Hotznplotz)

Lie ye not alone in a tent on the melancholy Nile; come my hot Cleo, my hellcat, come to Anthony, that my manly amenity may claim thy attention a ninth, nay a tenth time--to the hilt! (Shmaltzy)

Olmec, Toltec, Inca, Maya--all echo in the ancient clay. (Arglbargl)


***And Our Other Favorites***

Hamlet, my melancholy honey, moan not: Mon ami in Chantilly hath lent me the Holy Lace that I may heal thy ill attention. (Ravensegg)

I cannot once mention the name I call my mate, yet he can yell all the time that I am a little "ache in the tail". (Naits)

A national entity can tie a local entity in a "not"--not any money. (Naits)

Ah, tho' Clinton lit the "camel," he can't inhale! (OTFD65)

I may chain Monty Hall to the toilet! (EdsMyKname)

Honey, tell me that ya ain't cheatin' on me. (BDPnApril)

Ninety 'n' nine men ate a nice hot meal on china: channel cat, chili, ham, yam, lemon lime 'n' honey tea, etc. (BDPnApril)

Note the cloth on the mill: I'll hem a coat to clothe a thin man. (BDPnApril)

Holy moly Molly, the iceman let my ice melt in the hall! (UPerMI)

It ain't ethical to cheat a nice man; only "mean man money" hath no taint! (Turnberry2)

Tally Ho! Ciao! Ta Ta! Aloha! (September)

A TOY IN THE ATTIC

In Claymation

L. HELLMAN

Leo: I'm athletic. I loathe the cinema.

Anna: I cannot claim a cleat! I'm chilly. I'm coy.

Leo: I'm healthy. I'm clean. I'm melancholy. I'm...

Anna: Lonely?

Leo: No. I'm not Leo...I'm Timothy!

Anna: Timothy? No!

Leo: Aye. Come content me!

Anna: Cheat! I'll yell! I hate Timothy!

Leo: (intently) I'm....not Timothy. I'm not Leo! I'm a toy! I'm a clone!

Anna: Ah Ha! Once my hate...then my taint!

THE NTH

(September)

My lyin' tomcat can't eat meat, tho' he may eat antic hay. (Lwvt)

Nathaniel meant only to yell, "I hath the aloe tonic to heal thy itchy mane, Hannah!" (BalkRule)

An alien came a mile to chat to Anita Hill. (Kaethe)

Hit at home, one time ally, Italy, let a moan, "Attila ain't a hon at all." (JHFrancis)

The coy moth ate the itchy mitten. (BSchedneck)

The moth ate the hat on the mantle. (Gardenia)

Honey, I'm home! (Gardenia)

I cannot tell a lie! (Gardenia)

I may claim that I cannot tell a lie, yet I can cheat a little, can't I? (ShedPot)

To tame a lion, call him a manly cat; calmly mention to him the neat mane, the healthy tail, the canny mien, the hoity, toity title--ANY line in the male animal canon. (ShedPot)


Channel Nine at ten A.M. : The Itchy Camel. (Mikey1972)

Connie may tattle on ya, Ma. (GALenker)

Call me "No Talent".... may I once not lamely come to note that I can't hit it! (Wagsalot)

A lemon lime tonic may tame a llama calamity nicely. (PAPERWORX)

The cat in the hat can't con me! (Mchatter)

Lance Ito ain't no hot item! (Mchatter)

Lance Ito may calmly act the mythical homely chelonian, not the itchy coney to entoil all the non-ethical canaille into a hiemal coma. (G8ly)

Chill it, Clint: The Italy attachment may entail an anomaly to thine ancient anatomy. (G8ly)

Clamato on ice, anyone? (Arglbargl)

Healthy, athletic, comely in chain mail--Lancelot hath it all, he'll enchant many in Camelot. (Shmaltzy)

Lanolin?...aloe?...menthol?...ah, calamine ointment may allay that itch- come, let me anoint thy toenail. (Shmaltzy)

NO, NO! not nice to HIT, Little Tonya, tho' that inane Little Nancy may annoy all the time, not nice to hit ANYONE! (Shmaltzy)

In Claymation, a cat can channel Lon Chaney. (Hotznplotz)

Oil my loin; I am not yet tan. (Hotznplotz)

Oh hell, I meant to call Manny to tell him to let the challah alone; he'll eat it all! (Hotznplotz)

Clothe me all in linen; I hate that itchy nylon. (Hotznplotz)

Natty met the Mohican clan at an ancient totem in Omaha to notch cattle. (Hotznplotz)

I'll hitch my yacht on Little Cayman--call me at the Hilton. (Hotznplotz)


Copyright © 1995 by The Atlantic Monthly Company. All rights reserved.