Then again, maybe it's just a peculiarly poetic time of year--the
days of spring. But whatever the reason, we're in the mood for some
tonic meter"--which happens to be an anagram of "Limerick Contest."
So here's what we want you to do. Write us a limerick containing the
"spring." That's all we ask. There's no other trick or constraint.
may use the word "spring" in any of its meanings and in any spot within
For those who need reminding, a limerick is a funny poem (often ribald,
let's keep it G-rated) having five lines with a rhyming pattern of
a-a-b-b-a. Here's an example:
Now it's your turn to "ink comic letters"--which happens to be another
anagram of "Limerick Contest." Senders of our three favorite comic
limericks will each
receive the title of Poet Stan Laurelate--or anyhow, they'll each get a
book from The Atlantic's store and 5
free America Online hours (if they are AOL members).
P.S. Our Word Games and Puzzles message board on America Online
includes a folder called "Pass the Poem," where you can write one line
of a verse and pass it along for another player to continue. We have a
number of rather mad poets at work there already. Join us, and you may
win free AOL hours!
Limerick Contest Results
(All names without @ symbols are AOL screen names.)
"Write about spring,
And make it a limerick thing.
An anagram too
Might clinch it for you."
So for NET TIME OR "CLICKS" I will sing!
The verse above, submitted by BarbPoet, delivers an anagram of
Limerick Contest--which we noticed also scrambles into "close-knit
metric" (a nice description of the lines sent to our e-box). We received
hundreds of springy limericks from bawdy to beatific.
Some people submitted voluminous works. For example, PayPete1st
tendered nothing less than his autobiography in limerick form. The first
There once was a baby named Pete
Who couldn't yet stand on his feet.
To the window he'd cling
Till his mother would spring
And put him back under his sheet.
We can't reprint PayPete1st's entire life story here, but the full
account is now posted on our Word Games and Puzzles board in The
area on America Online in the "Tell Us
About Yourself" folder.
Because our contest coincided with an unseasonable spell of blustery
weather in much of the country, we received a spate of limericks bemoaning
the fickle climate. Of these our favorite was from Ckwhistle:
Ah, Spring! Baby lambs... flowers growing...
Green grass... fluffy clouds... breezes blowing...
New eggs in the nest...
And the ultimate test--
To remember all this when it's SNOWING.
A number of the bawdier poets (you rascals know who you are!) will have
to tolerate us as we confine ourselves to PG-rated verse
in this report. MCALLUM@delphi.com openly anticipated "dishonorable
mention" for the following limerick (which does not actually use the word
"spring" but which shows a deft flouting of the rules):
A maiden once wrote in her journal
Of delights autumnal and vernal.
She'd put down her pen
And fantasize then
About stuff that's, well, nocturnal.
Before we begin tossing laurel wreaths, we want to thank the English
class at the Corry Area High School (firstname.lastname@example.org) for a
happy barrage of clever rhymes. We also salute MadZeno, VCRogers, and
email@example.com, whose entries fused multiple limericks to make
extended scenarios, along with SMPolonsky, RDH9995, Robbabe, Ravensegg,
Hunny3, and Gail Koontz, whose many-limericked entries went far beyond the
call of duty--or should we say, the call of ditty.
In the final, altogether scientific analysis, we found our ribs were
most tickled by the versifying of StefSpad, OberOber, and BLRygg. Each of
these winners will receive 5 free AOL hours and a free book from The
Atlantic's online store. Thanks and laughing congratulations,
StefSpad, OberOber, and BLRygg.!
Faith and Charity's mom kept a journal
In which she wrote mem'ries maternal
Like the time, just for kicks,
The girls glued pogo sticks
To their sister--now Hope Springs Eternal.
In Limerick, Ireland, they say
There's a freshwater spring by the bay
That cures ailments chronic;
In fact, it's so tonic
You'll think in A A B B A!
Young Persephone, brimming with pep,
Earned a quite mythological rep:
Leaves and flowers would sprout
Every time she went out,
For she walked with a Spring in her step.
And Our Other Top Favorites
After winter, I looked like a whale,
Gazed in stunned disbelief at my scale.
I dismantled the thing,
Re-adjusted the spring,
And now think myself thin as a rail.
I once knew a young man named Ted.
Each morning he'd spring out of bed
To welcome the dawn;
But now he is gone:
He sprang out the window instead.
A sweet farmer's daughter named Kay
Met a slick city waiter one May.
He asked, "In the mood
For some good Chinese food?"
So they had a spring roll--in the hay.
Android Data, though shy and well-meaning,
One day started wildly careening.
So the ship's engineers
Checked his sprockets and gears
And determined he needed spring cleaning.
"Oh, Piglet," said Winnie the Pooh,
"Our friend Tigger's come down with the flu.
Then he started to hop
And he just couldn't stop--
I think it's spring fever, don't you?"
An ambitious young puppy named Daniel
Chose his breed from a pet owner's manual.
Then as quick as a wink he
Just swallowed a Slinky
And grew into a fine Springer spaniel.
A homely young shepherd named Lymph
By a spring once discovered a nymph.
When he asked, "Will you dance?"
She replied, "Not a chance--
Get your brother, I'd much prefer himph!"
In Rome, an old tortoise named Myrtle
Was in prison for stealing a girdle.
Then the Vatican City
Agreed to have pity
And the headlines read: "Pope Springs a Turtle!"
A daredevil student named Drake
Took his pals on a trip to the lake.
But he fractured his leg
Jumping off of a keg;
Now he knows why they call it Spring Break.
A seasoned wire walker named Hall
Had a spring in his step known to all
Til he took a bad trip,
Leaving people to quip
How the spring in his step became fall.
A wily old inmate named Bing
Dug a hole to escape from Sing Sing
Once he cleared the guard towers
He arose with some flowers
Saying, "How nice to be sprung when it's spring!"
A baseball announcer named Dizzy
Kept etymologically busy
By saying "Spring slud
Into April like mud
And the players are all in a tizzy."
Limerickitis? I've got it!
It's growing so fast I should pot it.
Then come next Spring
When we do the same thing
I could nip off a bud and re-jot it.
In Spring, flingers flock to the floor.
Just one dance, short romance, nothing more.
From behind a dark shade
An assessment is made
And a tango for two is the score.
"A major disaster is lurking:
Your chores you've been constantly shirking.
Instead you just play
With those puzzles all day,
So spring into action--start working!"
"You're the wrong one to gripe and to moan!
As a time-waster I'm not alone:
In spring or in fall,
Any season at all
You web-surf and tie up the phone."
A farmer's young daughter named Chloe
Said, "I can't rejoice when it's snowy,
But the blue skies of Spring
Entice me to sing
Or to whistle a tune like the towhee."
"To warble and sing is not bad,"
Said Reuben, the neighbor's bold lad,
"But a romp in the hay
Is a much better way
To celebrate Spring and be glad."
Said Chloe to Reuben, "You're mad
To think that I can be had,
So get lost, you creep,
And you can go leap
In the nearest spring fully clad!"
THE WASTE LAND
The showers of Spring mock our ante-
Diluvian thirst. Talk is scanty
Or sloshed. Carnal whims
Blight our souls and the Thames.
Phlebas sinks. Thunder speaks. Shantih shantih
NOTES ON "THE WASTE LAND"
The plan of this versified essay
Sprang out of a book by Miss Jessie
L. Weston; I found
Bits in Frazer, and Pound
Did the rest-that's why he's the addressee.
With an overabundance of gall,
General Custer answered the call;
He rode out in force
'Gainst Chief Crazy Horse.
He was riding that spring for a fall.
The cruellest month, so they say,
Is April, when warm breezes play;
I spend precious hours,
Ignoring spring flowers,
While I fill out my 1040A.
In the springtime, according to plan,
The fancies of every young man
Turn to thoughts of love, lightly,
Both daily and nightly,
Inspiring them to write reams and reams of overly sentimental poetry that
Composer Igor Stravinsky
Didn't know where to beginsky;
The rites of spring,
Or sprites of the ring--
Which title had just the right spinsky?
A prognosticator, Trelawney,
Got forecasting tips from the Pawnee.
When spring came in view,
He took as his clue
A groundhog outside Punxsutawney.
"In my role as the public's protector,"
Said a government livestock inspector,
"It wasn't spring lamb
Being sold by the gram,
In the meat shop of Hannibal Lecter."
The grammatical cops caught two perps:
A couple of contrary twerps.
It's not that they lacked words,
They just spoke them backwards,
And pronounced the word "spring" as "gnirps."
To the newsmen of Iran, we hail ya,
We pray ingenuity won't fail ya,
For the word "Dole", you see,
In Persian Farci,
Is the word for a man's genitalia.
This limerick won't be complete,
Till a seasonal word I repeat.
In Paris, I've heard,
"Printemps" is the word.
(It's the season that comes before ete.)
Ophelia endeavored to sing
As she leapt in the stream from her swing.
Her melodious lay
That maleficent May
Made her spring in the spring in the spring.
A Beatles fan known as Miss Pringle
Submitted a singable jingle
Hoping that soon
They would record her tune
For the lisp Ringo had made her tingle.
Poor Alice hadn't a thing
To wear to the beach in the spring.
She went in and swam
Wearing only a yam
And two dixie cups and a string.
A young man, with considerable zeal,
Has glued a large spring to each heel.
Then, jogging in place,
He was launched into space.
He'll re-enter just south of Mobile.
A strange case has unfolded near Worcester
Involving a sow and a rooster.
This spring they have mated,
And the farmer has stated:
"This is something I'll never get used ta."
Spring is a time of rebirth,
A time for rejoicing and mirth;
But it's hard to relax when
You've filed your tax and
Your future home's in Leavenworth.
Springtime means one thing for sure:
Another Mother's Day gift to endure.
"It's the thought," I remind,
But what thought's behind
A truckload of topsoil and manure?
There once was a writer named Max.
On seasons poetic he'd wax.
Regarding the spring,
He said not a thing.
He was too busy paying his tax.
They gathered around old and young.
On one final answer hope hung.
The question on grammar
Made all of them stammer,
'Til one yelled, "It's spring, sprang, and sprung."
In Kenya, a clever young fox
Saw some antelope sleeping on rocks.
He thought, "I could score
If I opened a store!"
Now he sells box springs to springboks!
Three hunters were hunting for deer
One spring not a long way from here.
They followed some tracks
And argued the facts
Of what kind of deer they were near.
"It's spring," said the first, "so it's brown."
The second said "Gray," with a frown;
They turned to the third,
But none of them heard
What he said as the train ran them down.
"In spring," said the strict statistician,
"I live by this stern supposition:
'The chances of love
Are a straight function of
The number of times of coition.'"
It's spring, with a tinselly moon:
As the orchestra tootles its tune
We see the Marines
And their combat machines
Performing a pas de platoon.
In spring, with a name like "Topaz,"
Which his love undeniably has,
You'd imagine that even
A lawyer like Steven
Would not start his love-song: "Whereas...."
The spring air's the jug of the sun:
At dawn it has barely begun
To suck from the seas
And the flowers and trees
As if over night it got none.
And spring's bright inebriate moon
Which silvers each meadow and dune
With dewdrops or frost
Will sink and be lost
Like the meaning of some ancient rune.
There was a young man from Beijing,
Who pulled from his watch a small spring.
He couldn't decide
Where the thing should reside
So he fashioned a lovely nose ring.
I wrote poems this spring in McNameter,
With a man who had just one parameter:
Whatever we penned
From the start to the end
Had to rhyme in iambic pentameter.
A silly young fellow named Gino
Saw lambs in a verdant SPRING scene, oh.
As they frolicked and scrambled
He was told that they gamboled,
So he asked, "Do they do it in Reno?"
A wrinkled old woman named Ruth
Searched for the Fountain of Youth.
On finding the spring
She drank the whole thing
But still was too long in the tooth.
Paul Bunyan, of leaning romantic
Yearned for a Babe so gigantic
That in the spring
He might rise up and sing,
"I found her--and she's elephantic!"
A gal who just loves hurdling fences
And leaps when a track meet commences,
Had "spring, sprang, and sprung"
On the tip of her tongue
When asked for a sample of tenses.
A con man who couldn't post bail
Sent a message from prison in Braille.
His blind friend who read it
Gets all of the credit
For springing his pal out of jail.
A panda the zoo named Big Thing
Met his counterpart, known as Ling-ling,
And her he did woo
As they chewed on bamboo;
Ah! such is the magic of Spring!
A chocolate bunny named Fred
To his chocolate wife turned and said:
You can say "Happy Spring!"
But I won't hear a thing
'Cause they've bitten my ears off my head.
I offer a riddle for spring
That is really the silliest thing:
If April showers
Bring May flowers
What do May flowers bring?
I once had a spring in my gait;
It helped me to never be late.
But now I'm a lump,
My friends call me plump:
You suppose it was something I ate?
A spring just popped up in my chair
And poked me in... well, you know where.
I felt quite a bump
Right smack in the rump
But to be couth I'll say "derriere"!
I planted some bulbs one Fall day
With dreams of a wedding bouquet.
The Spring flowers I chose
Smelled foul to the nose:
One whiff and the groom ran away!
Diana was smitten in Spring
With a Prince who would surely be King
But he had some goals
Which included Ms. Bowles,
So the Princess said "Chuck the whole thing!"
When ten kids did spring from my uterus
The doctor said he'd have to neuter us.
I said to Maurice,
"Help...call the Police!"
"And tell them what Doc plans to do to us!"
A limerick writer named Mickey
Was guzzling his 15th lime rickey.
It gave him the traction
To spring into action
Whenever the last line got . . . . . . sticky.
A boy was in love with his Slinky--
A toy with a sound smooth and zincky.
But when he got older,
His passion grew colder:
"This spring? You can have it. It's dinky."
When a bullfrog stopped croaking to sing
A rich aria welcoming spring,
His friends said, "Are you mad?
Stop that noise! It's so bad!"
He replied, "I'm just doin' my thing!"
In the spring, when the young birdies call,
And their sweet songs on eager ears fall,
My ears wait around
For a yet sweeter sound:
Those magical spring words, "Play ball!"
In Spring, when hearts turn to Love,
And o'erhead beat the wings of a dove,
Lovers stroll while they chat,
But--remember your hat,
To catch those "gifts" dropped from above!
A guest who asked "What shall I bring
To your party in honor of Spring?"
Was told by her host
(More trendy than most),
"You'll have to consult the I Ching."
There was once a plump lady from Vail
Who was hefty from drinking stout ale.
She skied out of the bar
And crashed into a car;
"Spring me, please," she cried out from the jail!
In the Spring time the brides go to shop,
Spending big bucks that make daddy drop.
"Baby, dear, it's ONE DAY,"
All the Papas do say,
But the girls just retort, "Get Hip, Pop."
There was once a young crooner named Bing.
Man, oh man, could that charming lad sing!
With his partner named Bob
He became a heart-throb;
In the girls' steps he put quite a spring!
There once was a green gob of goo,
Who didn't have much else to do.
So he waited to spring,
On the first passing thing,
And that's why he's stuck to your shoe.
A tuneful Spring chick named Madonna
In concert attempted nirvana.
Screamed cops in distress,
"You mustn't undress!"
"I may, I can, and I'm gonna!"
It's Spring -- dreaded allergy season
Of coughin' and gaspin' and sneezin'.
With that frame of reference,
A few state this preference:
"I'd rather keep shovelin' and freezin'!"
It's Spring -- the most amorous season,
When young men lose all sense of reason.
With hormonal shove,
They're destined for love,
Until she says, "I was just teasin'!"
Her friends called her Sibilant Sue;
She lisped something awful, it's true!
In the spring she would sing
"Thpring hath thprung," by the spring,
As she sprang like a crazed kangaroo.
Phil Pickle was quadragenarious,
Still single, and not temerarious;
When a mild mid-life fling
Wound him tight as a spring,
His coworkers found it hilarious.
An urbane springer spaniel named Billy
Wooed a slinky saluki in Philly,
But she sprang at the chance
Of a swift spring romance,
And a sheepdog won out willy-nilly.
He courted a Sunday school teacher;
His well-practiced line didn't reach her;
She said he must wed her
Before he could bed her:
He'll spring for a ring and a preacher!
An impatient young gardener named Vetter
Sought a fast way to make his plants wetter,
But a spring for the spring
Put his arm in a sling.
Perhaps a hose would have been better!
There once was a fellow from Cork;
In spring he became such a dork!
He used Cupid's darts
To spear lovers' hearts
And then looked around for a fork.
There once was a Cajun "Chef Bing"
Whose spicy repasts flamed with zing.
When diners ate lakeside
Chef watched them with great pride
As into the water they'd spring.
There once was a late-coming spring
Because Old Man Winter did cling.
Mother Nature, so fickle
Gave the Old Man a tickle
And chased him up North for a fling.
Two feisty spring cocks of New Ouder
Each wanted to cackle the louder;
They took a deep breath
And cackled to death:
Now in Ouder they eat chicken chowder.
In April begins quite a stirring.
By May, can't control its occurring.
It happens each Spring--
I desire a fling,
But honey (who knows) keeps me purring.
There once was a senior Spring chicken,
Who found finding a mate was slim pickin'.
When an oven rooster appeared
She was instantly cheered,
And he started her false beak a-clickin'!
Daylight Savings Time puts me to the test;
To recite that old rhyme is my quest.
Fall short, spring ahead?
Turn back? Heck, instead
I'll just move one time zone to the west!
In Texas, on any cool day,
Beastly Summer is not far away.
By mid-Fall it grows tame,
During Winter, the same;
It will Spring on you, long before May.
Here I am faced with the curse
Of trying to be creative in verse.
I must use the word "spring"
For this free-hours thing.
And try not to be too perverse.
I'm a girl with a birthdate in Spring
And it snows every year, that's the thing!
People think 'twill be hot
But I know it will not
So I pour brandy before they all sing!
A carnival Madam said we are
Busy in Spring 'cause we see our
Do their thing in our tents
And avoid engaging in PR.
A pitcher just fresh from spring training
Discovered his team spirit waning.
They say hope springs eternal
But just stop this infernal
Unseasonal snow, sleet and raining.
The birds sing before dawn has broken;
The dove and the finch have both spoken.
There's a song in the air
And yet snow's everywhere...
Surely Spring should be more than a token!
In the Spring now new grass can be seen
Through the stubble, a new growth of green.
If you're out before eight
The pheasant and mate
Walk proudly, full-feathered and lean.
The field sparrow's here all year round;
Winter, Spring she is seen on the ground.
Her coat's not spectacular,
But in the vernacular,
She's as faithful as any friend found.
There was a young woman from Lansing
Who said, "Spring is the time for romancing.
There surely must be
A young man for me,
For my love life could use some enhancing."
Cleopatra for power was aspiring,
But she lost all that was her desiring;
She didn't grow senile
As the Queen of THE Nile:
Her asp ring had caused her expiring.
In the spring our frogs mate in the swamp
With abandon, not decorous pomp.
Like ducks they do quack;
No passion they lack.
Waters roil as they boogie and romp.
There was a young man who'd be king
Who decided to have a spring fling.
He called up Camilla
And asked her, "Dear, willya?"
But she said,"Only if there's a ring."
There once was a bee name of Ringer
Who, each spring, was a bit of a swinger.
He'd rise up and say:
"Let me lead you astray,
But, mind you watch out for my stinger!"
My least favorite occurrence in spring
Is my pendulum-type of mood swing.
My hormones are raging!
Will this end with aging?
Don't tell me it's just a "girl thing."
There once was a young man from Dover
Who tripped over a four leaf clover
He landed on Mary,
The lass from the dairy,
And that's when Spring Fever took over!
From the bed all the blankets were flung
And a shriek tore the breath from her lung
As the princess did flee
But not from the pea
'Twas the spring of each mattress which sprung.
There once was a little blue flower
That thought it had magical power,
On the first day of spring
It started to sing
And promptly was drowned by a shower.
There once was a man with a ring
Who decided he wanted to sing
He tried very hard,
But wasn't a bard
And was told to come back in the spring.
In Springtime I count it a treasure
To seize every moment of pleasure.
But Spring cleaning is nigh,
So at least I must try
To finish, and merit my leisure.
In Spring all the weather is raining
But just when flowers start gaining
The wind starts to blow
And the sky starts to snow
And my compliments turn to complaining.
In the spring a young man from Toledo
Advertised he'd a rampant libido;
The girls by the score,
Appeared at his door:
There ensued a libido stampedo!
There once was a dog from the city
Who in spring, would be feeling quite pretty.
She'd wear a bandanna
And dance to Santana
Because the fleas preferred Conway Twitty.
A boat sailing down from Ann Arbor
Hit a storm coming out of the harbor.
In a garden it marooned
With spring flowers was festooned,
And its starboard harbored an arbor.
There was an old lady from Dillow
Her skirts had a tendency to billow
One day out in the street
She was lifted off her feet
By the wind--and dropped in a willow.
There was an old guy on the "Net"
Who loved every girl that he met.
He's engaged to Miss Ann
Though she's really a man,
But the poor fool just don't know it yet!
The springbok's a creature diurnal,
Cavorting when sun's rays are vernal.
One young bok, Hope by name,
Sprang by night; gained great fame:
And now, they say, Hope springs eternal.
When I'm trembling from earlobe to pinky,
While the weather grows less rinky-dinky,
Yes, the time is now here
For that toy I hold dear--
When I'll spring with my spring spring, the Slinky!
The change in the clock gave me time
To spend more of it on a rhyme.
But spring may be here
Before writing, I fear
My prize winning poem on-line.
He was willing to spring for her trousseau
(Though she clearly was no Rene Russo).
Said, "With vast yards of lace
And a mask for her face,
Any guy could stand Roseanne--or whoso."
There once was a young man named Clancy
Who every spring did turn his fancy
To liaisons amorous
With women glamorous,
Making his pants quite antsy.
A young woman named APRIL from France
Did join her friend JUNE in a dance.
If you would come too
Here's what you must do
Just SPRING up, MARCH, and prance.
Elizabeth pursued her love each spring
Seeking the man who would be king.
Many a fellow tried to woo her
And wound up one head fewer--
The lofty price for a royal fling.
There once was an actress named Byington
Who had great trouble getting crying done.
Tears would spring from her eyes,
Say helloes, then goodbyes,
All because of Spring's drying sun.
The contest freaks are in action
Writing limericks for your satisfaction.
Using the keyword Spring
Each hopes it will bring,
A positive, winning reaction!
There once was a old man who had said
"If only I could get out of bed."
And then one spring day
In the warm month of May
He jumped up and got bumped on the head.
"Spring has sprung", roared Uncle Titus,
"And winter blasts no more affright us."
But April laughed
And called him daft
Then blowed and snowed and hailed to spite us.
Jack Frost is soon going away.
We knew that he never could stay.
His departure will bring
A beautiful spring
Now we'll be happy and gay!
To the cafe, Sue brought a love potion
To bring out Tim's springtime emotion.
He drank from his cup,
Grabbed the waitress up,
And swore her his life long devotion.
A promised young maid, in the spring,
Decided she'd have one last fling
So she made her hair curly,
Left her home feeling squirrely,
No luck: She wouldn't take off the ring.
In Spring hope springs eternal.
The springs run like a flushed urinal.
But I have gone bust
And my bedsprings rust.
I spring for the Revenue Service Internal.
Ole Walter had a bed and box spring,
And nightly he would sleep on this thing.
Till Wally found a mate,
Who couldn't seem to wait
To experience a "waterbed fling."
One spring a small woodchuck did stumble
And so slowly he began to tumble.
He rolled all the way
through the forest that day
And not once did he let out a mumble.
There once was a day in spring
When all the robins would sing.
It made a young worm,
squiggle and squirm
And made food an easy thing.
A young man, in the spring,
Will have thoughts of a fling.
It will be true love
That he does think of
Until he is asked for a ring.
I accept the occasional game
To write limericks all in a name;
To write about spring
Is a wonderful thing;
If I don't win this, I have you to blame.
And from a creative class at Corry Area High School:
I have a good friend named Ryan;
He used to be fierce like a lion,
But he stepped on a spring
So his foot's in a sling,
And now he just sits around cryin'!
Oh, this is an ode to the Spring!
A majestic and wonderful thing!
But in Corry, we've seen
They are seldom so green
And the snowplows are still on the wing!
Running fast...running away...
The wind ripping through the day...
The voice of spring shouts aloud,
"See what happens to the proud!"
And winter goes away.
"Don't be such a glutton dear Mabel,"
Her mom used to say at the table.
So early last spring
She did a naughty thing
And ate much more than she was able.
So what is the moral of this fable?
Let me tell you what happened to Mabel.
She grew like a balloon
The silly young goon
And from then had to live in the stable.
A frog took a trip 'cross the road
Merely to greet his friend Toad
But little did he know
As he bid his hello
That his last spring would stick to the road.
There once was an impatient bulb flower
Who pushed with all of her power
And came up before spring;
But the silly young thing
Was froze in a winter snow shower.
One cool day in early spring,
The alarm in the school began to ring.
All the students went outdoors,
While the teachers drank a Coors.
Now they're too drunk to sing.
One spring, a worm named Harry
Devoured a load he couldn't carry.
So he decided to rest
To let his food digest
For he was as plump as a cherry.
Miss Fall sat in a chair,
While Miss Spring braided her hair.
Then Miss Spring pulled a knot,
And Miss Fall yelled a lot-
And she claimed such abuse was unfair.
I went to Spain in the spring
This is where I met my fling.
You may think it funny
But he was my honey
That is what I called my Spanish Fling.
"Say," said my friend Lucy with a grin,
"There's a long hair growing on my chin.
Seems Spring's here and I'm flowering,
From people I'll be cowering
Till I pluck this beast's root from within."
I may not be a yuppie with a foreign car,
My athletic reputation may not get me far,
I may not spring to heights untold;
But I'll grow to be wise and bold
So let me twinkle my own little star.
There once was a hose named Pete
Who was afraid he'd spring a leak.
He loved to water flowers
And give them cool showers,
But he feared that his future was bleak.
There once was a man named Rhett
Who walked with a spring in his step.
He was as happy as could be
'Til he hit his head on a tree,
Then he sat in sorrow and wept.
One spring I was sitting in a chair,
And to my greatest despair;
With one little crack
I was lying on my back
And here I lie in intensive care.
There's many great things about spring
They say it's a wonderful thing,
But how can that be
When we cannot see
When snow is all the weather will bring.
I was doing a daredevil stunt in the sky
Attached to a wing, by a spring, up high.
Snap went the spring,
I flew off the wing
Too bad I'm not a bird, cause I can't fly.
There once was a Corry Beaver
Who had a touch of spring fever.
He went outside to chop some wood
And he did it too much because it felt so good
That he had to finish up with a meat cleaver.
To my favorite teacher, Miss King
I have this flower bloomed this spring.
Its petals are soft and white
While its scent is sweet and light
This is the gift to you I bring.
Spring is a season of rain
Which can be a great big pain,
Especially when it rains so hard
It floods the yard
And it takes all summer to drain.
About some lax seniors from Corry,
I think I shall tell you a story.
The spring fever had set in
Causing teachers to threaten.
The results, do believe, were quite gory.
One Spring in a city named Loun
Stood a man who was quite renown
Suddenly he found his head bare,
For on the ground was his hair
And now he is the talk of the town.
In Spring when thunder goes boom,
And the rain comes down in a flume,
Go out and dance
Like there's ants in your pants,
And act just like a bufoom
I come to school everyday
In my red Chevy the same way
It sets in in the spring
Senioritis, is the thing
A cure for this, no way
Copyright © 1996 by The Atlantic Monthly Company. All rights