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I'm glad for you

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Topic: 5) I'm glad for you (1 of 9), Read 170 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Barbara Wallraff (msgrammar@theatlantic.com)
Date: Wednesday, June 30, 1999 09:19 AM

Andrew Davidson, of Brighton, England, writes: "I reckon there is space in the English language for a word that expresses that you are jealous or envious of someone, but without the negative connotations. For example, I wanted to express to my younger brother that I wished I could lead his jet-set lifestyle, but I am very happy for him to be able to do so and am not 'envious' of him. I think the lack of such a word is revealing of the -- very negative -- English 'keeping up with the Joneses' mentality!"

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Topic: 5) I'm glad for you (2 of 9), Read 163 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Roger Gay (roger.f.gay@telia.se)
Date: Wednesday, June 30, 1999 12:10 PM

admiration, high regard, wonder, esteem, delight, approbation, praise, commend

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Topic: 5) I'm glad for you (3 of 9), Read 157 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Michael Fischer (tsuwm@aol.com)
Date: Wednesday, June 30, 1999 03:21 PM

we have "schadenfreude" from German for taking joy from other's troubles; do you suppose they have a word for this?

probably not. 8 )

today's wwftd is...

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Topic: 5) I'm glad for you (4 of 9), Read 101 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Suzanne Hasselle (smhasselle@amherst.edu)
Date: Tuesday, July 27, 1999 03:02 PM

There is a word in Sanskrit for this emotion: mudita. (moo-dee-ta).
For Buddhists, this is part of the doctrine of compassion. We (English speakers) usually thing of compassion as feeling with another in a time of suffering. But for Buddhists, feeling joy at another's joy is an equally important virtue. The cultivation of mudita moves the practitioner away from jealousy, competition, and being
stuck in the "illusionary" dichotomy between self and others.

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Topic: 5) I'm glad for you (5 of 9), Read 88 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Karin Erichsen (magnhild@cheerful.com)
Date: Saturday, August 14, 1999 11:11 AM

In Norwegian we have a verb "unne" (the opposite of "misunne" = envy).

This means (Ay, there is the rub: To find a verb-to-verb correspondence in English, you have to translate it negatively:) "not to begrudge".

In other words, "Jeg unnner deg dette" is "I feel you have deserved this".

K.

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Topic: 5) I'm glad for you (6 of 9), Read 95 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Karin Erichsen (magnhild@cheerful.com)
Date: Saturday, August 14, 1999 11:20 AM

PS.
Of course, the above word: "unne" does not cover the sense of "I would really like to have what you have got, but regardless of whether I can have the same or not, I am very happy that YOU have it."

Could it be that in our culture, people are not nice enough to ever need a word for that feeling?!

K.

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Topic: 5) I'm glad for you (7 of 9), Read 77 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Aaron Reneker (zanazarius@yahoo.com)
Date: Saturday, August 14, 1999 03:19 PM

Somewhere in my readings, I recall the term "benign envy," which as I recall held a similar meaning to "unne." I remember the journal was one of the numerous psychological branches, and that the topic of the article was about how we humans tend to feel envious both with negative and positive results.
"Malignant envy" was used to describe the almost-cancerous feelings of jealousy that tend to eat away at one's personality--such as envy for a neighbor who always seems to be the lucky one, but who, in one's opinion, is not deserving of such good fortune. These feelings can actually make one become ill, particularly if the jealousy is a long-standing emotion in a person's life.
"Benign envy"--sticking with the cancer comparison--is the feeling one gets when a beloved sister marries or when a child scores a winning goal in soccer. We feel envious of the joy that the other is feeling, but only because we either have felt similarly in the past and miss that feeling, or because we are envious of that other person's good fortune, but also feel enormously guilty because he or she is so beloved to us. These feelings can also be described as "nostalgia" or "reminiscence." Rarely does this form of envy lead to illness, nor does it ever last for very long before being replaced with joyful feelings.
I am not aware of an actual word to describe "benign envy," but I rather like this term for it. Hope that helps!

Aaron

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Topic: 5) I'm glad for you (8 of 9), Read 73 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Karin Erichsen (magnhild@cheerful.com)
Date: Sunday, August 15, 1999 08:16 AM

Benign envy is quite an interesting concept
and a possible term.

I looked up mudita on a
Web Page (Essentials of Buddhism):

mudita = sympathetic joy
spontaneous joy in response to others' success

Near enemy: hypocrisy

There is some truth in that, isn't there?
Except with people close to us. The original example involved a brother, and the examples of benign envy cited a sister and a son/daughter.

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Topic: 5)I'm jealous but happy for you. (9 of 9), Read 43 times
Conf: Word Fugitives, with Barbara Wallraff
From: Catherine Griffiths (cegriffs@erols.com)
Date: Monday, August 23, 1999 06:06 PM

Negative emotions rise.
But I think expression
matters to the person to
whom you are speaking.
How the message is said
relies to a large extent on
autonomic body language and
past interactions.

An about face would take me in
the opposite direction of creating
an illusion or acting out dis-
information by failing to disclose.


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