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The Atlantic Monthly | July/August 2003
n March we requested a word for a "tendency to make more mistakes ... if a very critical person is watching." Along with aspiring words, a flood of descriptions of what it's like to have this affliction poured in. For instance, Javan Kienzle, of Birmingham, Michigan, wrote, "It is near impossible for me to work in the kitchen if anyone else is in there—this from my childhood when my mother always commented on the way I did things. If anyone watches me work, I inevitably end up cutting myself, burning myself, dropping something, or breaking something." Peter Morris, of Swarthmore, Pennsylvania, wrote, "I often find myself unable to sign my own name when being stared at by an incommunicative bank teller or bureaucrat."
by Barbara Wallraff
Two readers reported that according to They Have a Word for It, by Howard Rheingold, in German fisselig has the meaning wanted. A few others pointed out that among sports fans, choke nearly fills the bill. But readers also came up with a wide range of apt new coinages, though some were for the state or process or cause or effect of bungling under supervision rather than for the tendency to bungle, as requested. Rita Kennedy, of Rockland, Massachusetts, suggested abutter-fingers; Rebecca Cosgrove, of New Milford, Connecticut, botchful eye; Vera K. Cobb, of Ipswich, Massachusetts, bungle of nerves; and Lynn Herrick, of Northville, Michigan, glarer-prone. Several readers suggested sage fright; Patrick Green, of Dripping Springs, Texas, stuporvised; and Art Scherer, of Efland, North Carolina, tsk-oriented. Jim Tanner, of Fort Collins, Colorado, wrote, "I tend to become particularly witless while pursuing tasks in the presence of a critical witness; hence my witlessness is compounded—hence witnesslessness."
And top honors go to David Sonstroem, of Storrs, Connecticut, for his deft and witty term carper-fumble syndrome.
The second word fugitive sought in March was one meaning "to go to do something and return having absentmindedly done one or more other things instead." Matt Mayberry, of Colorado Springs, Colorado, had no verb to suggest, though he acutely feels the need for one. He wrote, "My colleagues and I were discussing just this tendency. I work in a history museum surrounded by a wide variety of fascinating artifacts, documents, problems, and projects. We often set out from our work areas determined to accomplish one thing, only to return some significant time later having taken a circuitous route through the building. When we do return to our desks, not only is our original task unfulfilled, but we often can't recall why we left in the first place."
Mike Olesak, of Perth Amboy, New Jersey, wrote, "I just saw a comic of Beetle Bailey in which General Halftrack gets sidetracked when he leaves the kitchen to go get the paper and returns, nine distracted frames later, with a flyswatter. I've experienced this phenomenon myself. It seems as though the mind gets spaced out on tangents; for a split second you seem to be in another world. So my submission would be nether-minded."
Task turned up in many submissions. For instance, that clever Jim Tanner, coiner of witnesslessness, dubbed the "much-achieved if not much-sought-after capability" in question muddletitasking. Sam Putnam, of Vallejo, California, suggested alti-tasking; Janet Watson, of Norwell, Massachusetts, faulty-tasking; and a number of readers mistask.
And here Marshall Arbitman, of New York City, takes top honors for his straight-to-the-point coinage onthewaylaid.
Now Sriram Khe, of Eugene, Oregon, writes, "I wonder if there is a word for what happens when teachers like me grade papers at the end of terms: the incorrect information in students' papers makes me begin to question my own knowledge. For instance, after grading quite a few papers I begin to ask myself if it is effect or affect; does Switzerland really border a sea? Is there a word to describe this acute sense of 'unlearning'?"
And Bruce Gelder, of Iowa City, Iowa, writes, "I'd like a word to denote the tendency of traffic to cluster around and behind highway patrol cars on rural interstates because no one dares to pass the trooper vehicle at a significant speed (that is, the speed at which the car was traveling before it caught up with the patrol car). I commute daily through rural Iowa and see this occur frequently."
Send words that meet Sriram Khe's or Bruce Gelder's needs to Word Fugitives, The Atlantic Monthly, 77 North Washington Street, Boston, MA 02114, or visit the Word Fugitives page on our Web site, at www.theatlantic.com/fugitives. Submissions must be received by August 31. Use the same addresses to submit word fugitives that you'd like The Atlantic's help in finding. Letters become the property of Word Fugitives and may be edited.
Readers whose queries are published and those whose words are singled out for top honors will each receive, with our thanks, a selection of recent autographed books by Atlantic authors. The next installment's correspondents will be sent The Pleasures of Slow Food, by Corby Kummer, and Reefer Madness: Sex, Drugs, and Cheap Labor in the American Black Market, by Eric Schlosser.
Copyright © 2003 by The Atlantic Monthly Group. All rights reserved.
The Atlantic Monthly; July/August 2003; Word Fugitives; Volume 292, No. 1; 160.