The Atlantic Monthly | July 1864
A Scene from The Dolliver Romance
The opening section of an unfinished novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne
by Nathaniel Hawthorne
.....
octor Dolliver, a worthy personage of extreme
antiquity, was aroused rather prematurely, one summer morning, by the shouts of the child Pansie, in an adjoining
chamber, summoning Old Martha (who performed the duties of
nurse, housekeeper, and kitchen-maid, in the Doctor's
establishment) to take up her little ladyship and dress her.
The old gentleman woke with more than his customary alacrity,
and, after taking a moment to gather his wits about him,
pulled aside the faded moreen curtains of his ancient bed,
and thrust his head into a beam of sunshine that caused him to
wink and withdraw it again. This transitory glimpse of good
Dr. Dolliver showed a flannel nightcap, fringed round with
stray locks of silvery white hair, and surmounting a meagre
and duskily yellow visage, which was crossed and criss-
crossed with a record of his long life in wrinkles, faithfully
written, no doubt, but with such cramped chirography of Father
Time that the purport was illegible. It seemed hardly worth
while for the patriarch to get out of bed any more, and
bring his forlorn shadow into the summer day that was made
for younger folks. The Doctor, however, was by no means of
that opinion, being considerably encouraged towards the toil
of living twenty-four hours longer by the comparative ease
with which he found himself going through the usually painful
process of bestirring his rusty joints, (stiffened by the very
rest and sleep that should have made them pliable,) and
putting them in a condition to bear his weight upon the floor.
Nor was he absolutely disheartened by the idea of those
tonsorial, ablutionary, and personally decorative labors
which are apt to become so intolerably irksome to an old
gentleman, after performing them daily and daily for fifty,
sixty, or seventy years, and finding them still as immitigably
recurrent as at first. Dr. Dolliver could nowise account for
this happy condition of his spirits and physical energies,
until he remembered taking an experimental sip of a certain
cordial which was long ago prepared by his grandson and
carefully sealed up in a bottle, and had been reposited in a
dark closet among a parcel of effete medicines ever since
that gifted young man's death.
"It may have wrought effect
upon me," thought the Doctor, shaking his head as he lifted it
again from the pillow. "It may be so; for poor Cornelius
oftentimes instilled a strange efficacy into his perilous
drugs. But I will rather believe it to be the operation of
God's mercy, which may have temporarily invigorated my
feeble age for little Pansie's sake."
A twinge of his familiar
rheumatism, as he put his foot out of bed, taught him that he
must not reckon too confidently upon even a day's respite from
the intrusive family of aches and infirmities which, with
their proverbial fidelity to attachments once formed, had long
been the closest acquaintances that the poor old gentleman had
in the world. Nevertheless, he fancied the twinge a little
less poignant than those of yesterday; and, moreover, after
stinging him pretty smartly, it passed gradually off with a
thrill, which, in its latter stages, grew to be almost
agreeable. Pain is but pleasure too strongly emphasized. With
cautious movements, and only a groan or two, the good Doctor
transferred himself from the bed to the floor, where he stood
awhile, gazing from one piece of quaint furniture to another,
(such as stiff-backed Mayflower chairs, an oaken
chest-of-drawers carved cunningly with shapes of animals and
wreaths of foliage, a table with multitudinous legs, a
family-record in faded embroidery, a shelf of black-bound
books, a dirty heap of gallipots and phials in a dim corner,)—gazing at these things and steadying himself by the bedpost,
while his inert brain, still partially benumbed with sleep,
came slowly into accordance with the realities about him. The
object which most helped to bring Dr. Dolliver completely to
his waking perceptions was one that common observers might
supposed to have been snatched bodily out of his dreams. The
same sunbeam that had dazzled the Doctor between the bed curtains gleamed on the weather-beaten gilding which had once
adorned this mysterious symbol, and showed it to be an
enormous serpent, twining round a wooden post, and reaching
quite from the floor of the chamber to its ceiling.
It was
evidently a thing that could boast of considerable antiquity,
the dryrot having eaten out its eyes and gnawed away the tip
of its tail; and it must have stood long exposed to the
atmosphere, for a kind of gray moss had partially overspread
its tarnished gilt surface, and a swallow, or other familiar
little bird, in some bygone summer, seemed to have built its
nest in the yawning and exaggerated mouth. It looked like a
kind of Manichean idol, which might have been elevated on a
pedestal for a century or so, enjoying the worship of its
votaries in the open air, until the impious sect perished from
among men,—all save old Dr. Dolliver, who had set up the
monster in his bedchamber for the convenience of private
devotion. But we are unpardonable in suggesting such a
fantasy to the prejudice of our venerable friend, knowing him
to have been as pious and upright a Christian, and with as
little of the serpent in his character, as ever came of
Puritan lineage. Not to make a further mystery about a very
simple matter, this bedimmed and rotten reptile was once the
medical emblem or apothecary's sign of the famous Dr.
Swinnerton, who practised physic in the earlier days of New
England, when a head of Æsculapius or Hippocrates would have
vexed the souls of the righteous as savoring of heathendom.
The ancient dispenser of drugs had therefore set up an image
of the Brazen Serpent, and followed his business for many
years, with great credit, under this Scriptural device; and
Dr. Dolliver, being the apprentice, pupil, and humble friend
of the learned Swinnerton's old age, had inherited the
symbolic snake, and much other valuable property, by his
bequest.
While the patriarch was putting on his small-clothes,
he took care to stand in the parallelogram of bright sunshine
that fell upon the uncarpeted floor. The summer warmth was very genial to his system, and yet made
him shiver; his wintry veins rejoiced at it, though the
reviving blood tingled through them with a half painful and
only half pleasurable titillation. For the first few moments
after creeping out of bed, he kept his back to the sunny
window and seemed mysteriously shy of glancing thitherward; but as the June fervor pervaded him more and more
thoroughly, he turned bravely about, and looked forth at a
burial-ground on the corner of which he dwelt. There lay many
an old acquaintance, who had gone to sleep with the flavor
of Dr. Dolliver's tinctures and powders upon his tongue; it
was the patient's final bitter taste of this world, and
perhaps doomed to be a recollected nauseousness in the next.
Yesterday, in the chill of his forlorn old age, the Doctor
expected soon to stretch out his weary bones among that quiet
community, and might scarcely have shrunk from the prospect on
his own account, except, indeed, that he dreamily mixed up the
infirmities of his present condition with the repose of the
approaching one, being haunted by a notion that the damp
earth, under the grass and dandelions, must needs be
pernicious for his cough and his rheumatism. But, this
morning, the cheerful sunbeams, or the mere taste of his
grandson's cordial that he lad taken at bedtime, or the
fitful vigor that often sports irreverently with aged people,
had caused an unfrozen drop of youthfulness, somewhere
within him, to expand.
"Hem! ahem!" quoth the Doctor, hoping
with one effort to clear his throat of the dregs of a ten
years' cough. "Matters are not so far gone with me as I
thought. I have known mighty sensible men, when only a little
age-stricken or otherwise out of sorts, to die of mere faint-heartedness, a great deal sooner than they need."
He shook his
silvery head at his own image in the looking-glass, as if to
impress the apophthegm on that shadowy representative of
himself; and for his part, he determined to pluck up a spirit
and live as long as he possibly could, if it were only for
the sake of little Pansie, who stood as close to one extremity
of human life as her great-grandfather to the other. This
child of three years old occupied all the unfossilized portion
of good Dr. Dolliver's heart. Every other interest that he
formerly had, and the entire confraternity of persons whom
he once loved, had long ago departed, and the poor Doctor
could not follow them, because the grasp of Pansie's
baby-fingers held him back.
So he crammed a great silver watch
into his fob, and drew on a patchwork morning-gown of an
ancient fashion. Its original material was said to have been
the embroidered front of his own wedding-waistcoat and the
silken skirt of his wife's bridal attire, which his eldest
grand-daughter had taken from the carved chest-of-drawers,
after poor Bessie, the beloved of his youth, had been half a
century in the grave. Throughout many of the intervening
years, as the garment got ragged, the spinsters of the old
man's family had quilted their duty and affection into it in
the shape of patches upon patches, rose-color, crimson, blue,
violet, and green, and then (as their hopes faded, and their
life kept growing shadier, and their attire took a sombre hue)
sober gray and great fragments of funereal black, until the
Doctor could revive the memory of most things that had
befallen him by looking at his patchwork-gown, as it hung upon
a chair. And now it was ragged again, and all the fingers that
should have mended it were cold. It had an Eastern fragrance,
too, a smell of drugs, strong-scented herbs, and spicy gums,
gathered from the many potent infusions that had from time to
time been spilt over it; so that, snuffing him afar off, you
might have taken Dr. Dolliver liver for a mummy, and could hardly
have been undeceived by his shrunken and torpid aspect, as he
crept nearer.
Wrapt in his odorous and many-colored robe, he
took staff in hand and moved pretty vigorously to the head of
the staircase. As it was somewhat steep, and but dimly
lighted, he began cautiously to descend, putting his left hand on the banister, and poking
down his long stick to assist him in making sure of the
successive steps; and thus he became a living illustration
of the accuracy of Scripture, where it describes the aged as
being "afraid of that which is high,"—a truth that is often
found to have a sadder purport than its external one.
Half-way to the bottom, however, the Doctor heard the
impatient and authoritative tones of little Pansie,—Queen
Pansie, as she might fairly have been styled, in reference
to her position in the household,—calling amain for
grandpapa and breakfast. He was startled into such perilous
activity by the summons, that his heels slid on the stairs,
the slippers were shuffled off his feet, and he saved
himself from a tumble only by quickening his pace, and coming
down at almost a run.
"Mercy on my poor old bones!" mentally
exclaimed the Doctor, fancying himself fractured in fifty
places. "Some of them are broken, surely, and methinks my
heart has leaped out of my mouth! What! all right? Well, well!
but Providence is kinder to me than I deserve, prancing down
this steep staircase like a kid of three months old!"
He bent
stiffly to gather up his slippers and fallen staff; and
meanwhile Pansie had heard the tumult of her
great-grandfather's descent, and was pounding against the door
of the breakfast-room in her haste to come at him. The
Doctor opened it, and there she stood, a rather pale and
large-eyed little thing, quaint in her aspect, as might well
be the case with a motherless child, dwelling in an uncheerful
house, with no other playmates than a decrepit old man and a
kitten, and no better atmosphere within doors than the odor
of decayed apothecary's stuff, nor gayer neighborhood than
that of the adjacent burial-ground, where all her relatives,
from her great-grandmother downward, lay calling to her,
"Pansie, Pansie, it is bedtime!" even in the prime of the
summner morning. For those dead women-folk, especially her
mother and the whole row of maiden aunts and grand-aunts,
could not but be anxious about the child, knowing that little
Pansie would be far safer under a tuft of dandelions than if
left alone, as she soon must be, in this difficult and
deceitful world.
Yet, in spite of the lack of damask roses in
her cheeks, she seemed a healthy child, and certainly showed
great capacity of energetic movement in the impulsive
capers with which she welcomed her venerable progenitor. She
shouted out her satisfaction, moreover, (as her custom was,
having never had any over-sensitive auditors about her to
tame down her voice,) till even the Doctor's dull ears were
full of the clamor. "Pansie, darling," said Dr. Dolliver
cheerily, patting her brown hair with his tremulous fingers,
"thou hast put some of thine own friskiness into poor old
grandfather, this fine morning! Dost know, child, that he
came near breaking his neck downstairs at the sound of thy
voice? What wouldst thou have done then, little Pansie?"
"Kiss
poor grandpapa and make him well !" answered the child,
remembering the Doctor's own mode of cure in similar mishaps
to herself. "It shall do poor grandpapa good!" she added,
putting up her mouth to apply the remedy.
"Ah, little one,
thou hast greater faith in thy medicines than ever I had in my
drugs," replied the patriarch with a giggle, surprised and
delighted at his own readiness of response. "But the kiss is
good for my feeble old heart, Pansie, though it might do
little to mend a broken neck; so give grandpapa another
dose, and let us to breakfast."
In this merry humor they sat
down to the table, great-grandpapa and Pansie side by side,
and the kitten, as soon appeared, making a third in the
party. First, she showed her mottled head out of Pansie's lap,
delicately sipping milk from the child's basin without rebuke;
then she took post on the old gentleman's shoulder, purring
like a spinning wheel, trying her claws in the wadding of his
dressing-gown, and still more impressively reminding him of
her presence by putting out a paw to intercept a warmed-over
morsel of yesterday's chicken on its way to the Doctor's
mouth. After skilfully achieving this feat, she scrambled down
upon the breakfast-table and began to wash her face and hands.
Evidently, these companions were all three on intimate terms,
as was natural enough, since a great many childish impulses
were softly creeping back on the simple-minded old man;
insomuch that, if no worldly necessities nor painful infirmity had disturbed him, his remnant of life might have been
as cheaply and cheerily enjoyed as the early playtime of the
kitten and the child. Old Dr. Dolliver and his
great-grand-daughter (a ponderous title, which seemed quite to
overwhelm the tiny figure of Pansie) had met one another at
the two extremities of the life-circle: her sunrise served
him for a sunset, illuminating his locks of silver and hers of
golden brown with a homogeneous shimmer of twinkling light.
Little Pansie was the one earthly creature that inherited a
drop of the Dolliver blood. The Doctor's only child, poor
Bessie's offspring, had died the better part of a hundred
years before, and his grandchildren, a numerous and dimly remembered brood, had vanished along his weary track in their
youth, maturity, or incipient age, till, hardly knowing how it
had all happened, he found himself tottering onward with an
infant's small fingers in his nerveless grasp. So mistily
did his dead progeny come and go in the patriarch's decayed
recollection, that this solitary child represented for him the
successive babyhoods of the many that had gone before. The
emotions of his early paternity came back to him. She seemed
the baby of a past age oftener than she seemed Pansie. A whole
family of grand-aunts, (one of whom had perished in her
cradle, never so mature as Pansie now, another in her virgin
bloom, another in autumnal maidenhood, yellow and
shrivelled, with vinegar in her blood, and still another, a
forlorn widow, whose grief outlasted even its vitality, and
grew to be merely a torpid habit, and was saddest then,)—all their hitherto forgotten features peeped through the face
of the great-grandchild, and their long inaudible voices
sobbed, shouted, or laughed, in her familiar tones. But it
often happened to Dr. Dolliver, while frolicking amid this
throng of ghosts, where the one reality looked no more vivid
than its shadowy sisters,—it often happened that his eyes
filled with tears at a sudden perception of what a sad and
poverty-stricken old man he was, already remote from his own
generation, and bound to stray farther onward as the sole
playmate and protector of a child!
As Dr. Dolliver, in spite
of his advanced epoch of life, is likely to remain a
considerable time longer upon our hands, we deem it expedient
to give a brief sketch of his position, in order that the
story may get onward with the greater freedom when he rises
from the breakfast-table. Deeming it a matter of courtesy, we have allowed him the honorary title of Doctor, as
did all his towns people and contemporaries, except, perhaps, one or two formal old physicians, stingy of civil
phrases and over-jealous of their own professional dignity.
Nevertheless, these crusty graduates were technically right
in excluding Dr. Dolliver from their fraternity. He had
never received the degree of any medical school, nor (save
it might be for the cure of a toothache, or a child's rash, or
a whitlow on a .seamstress's finger, or some such trifling
malady) had he ever been even a practitioner of the awful
science with which his popular designation eonnected him.
Our old friend, in short, even at his highest social
elevation, claimed to be nothing more than an apothecary, and,
in these later and far less prosperous days, scarcely so much.
Since the death of his last surviving grandson, (Pansie's
father, whom he had instructed in all the mysteries of his
science, and who, being distinguished by an experimental
and inventive tendency, was generally believed to have
poisoned himself with an infallible panacea of his own
distillation,)—since that final bereavement, Dr. Dolliver's
once pretty flourishing business had lamentably declined.
After a few months of unavailing struggle, he found it expedient to take down the Brazen Serpent from the position to
which Dr. Swinnerton had originally elevated it, in front of
his shop in the main street, and to retire to his private
dwelling, situated in a bylane and on the edge of a
burial-ground.
This house, as well as the Brazen Serpent,
some old medical books, and a drawer full of manuscripts, had
come to him by the legacy of Dr. Swinnerton. The dreariness of
the locality had been of small importance to our friend in his
young manhood, when he first led his fair wife over the
threshold, and so long as neither of them had any kinship with
the human dust that rose into little hillocks, and still
kept accumulating beneath their window. But, too soon afterwards, when poor Bessie herself had gone early to rest there,
it is probable that an influence from her grave may have
prematurely calmed and depressed her widowed husband, taking
away much of the energy from what should have been the most
active portion of his life. Thus he never grew rich. His
thrifty townsmen used to tell him, that, in any other man's
hands, Dr. Swinnerton's Brazen Serpent (meaning, I presume,
the inherited credit and good-will of that old worthy's trade)
would need but ten years' time to transmute its brass into
gold. In Dr. Dolliver's keeping, as we have seen, the
inauspicious symbol lost the greater part of what superficial
gilding it originally had. Matters had not mended with him
in more advanced life, after he had deposited a further and
further portion of his heart and its affections in each
successive one of a long row of kindred graves; and as he
stood over the last of them, holding Pansie by the hand and
looking down upon the coffin of his grandson, it is no wonder that the old man
wept, partly for those gone before, but not so bitterly as for
the little one that stayed behind. Why had not God taken her
with the rest? And then, so hopeless as he was, so destitute
of possibilities of good, his weary frame, his decrepit bones,
his dried-up heart, might have crumbled into dust at once, and
have been scattered by the next wind over all the heaps of
earth that were akin to him.
This intensity of desolation,
however, was of too positive a character to be long sustained
by a person of Dr. Dolliver's original gentleness and
simplicity, and now so completely tamed by age and misfortune.
Even before he turned away from the grave, he grew conscious
of a slightly cheering and invigorating effect from the tight
grasp of the child's warm little hand. Feeble as he was, she
seemed to adopt him willingly for her protector. And the
Doctor never afterwards shrank from his duty nor quailed
beneath it, but bore himself like a man, striving, amid the
sloth of age and the breaking-up of intellect, to earn the
competency which he had failed to accumulate even in his
most vigorous days.
To the extent of securing a present
subsistence for Pansie and himself, he was successful. After
his son's death, when the Brazen Serpent fell into popular
disrepute, a small share of tenacious patronage followed
the old man into his retirement. In his prime, he had been
allowed to possess more skill than usually fell to the share
of a Colonial apothecary, having been regularly apprenticed to
Dr. Swinnerton, who, throughout his long practice, was
accustomed personally to concoct the medicines which he
prescribed and dispensed. It was believed, indeed, that the
ancient physician had learned the art at the world-famous
drug manufactory of Apothecary's Hall, in London, and, as
some people half-malignly whispered, had perfected himself
under masters more subtle than were to be found even there.
Unquestionably, in many critical cases he was known to have employed remedies of mysterious
composition and dangerous potency, which in less skilful
hands would have been more likely to kill than cure. He would
willingly, it is said, have taught his apprentice the secrets of these prescriptions, but the latter, being of a
timid character and delicate conscience, had shrunk from acquaintance with them. It was probably as the result of the
same scrupulosity that Dr. Dolliver had always declined to
enter the medical profession, in which his old instructor had
set him such heroic examples of adventurous dealing with
matters of life and death. Nevertheless, the aromatic
fragrance, so to speak, of the learned Swinnerton's reputation
had clung to our friend through life; and there were elaborate
preparations in the pharmacopnia of that day, requiring such
minute skill and conscientious fidelity in the concocter
that the physicians were still glad to confide them to one in
whom these qualities were so evident.
Moreover, the
grandmothers of the community were kind to him, and mindful
of his perfumes, his rose-water, his cosmetics, tooth -
powders, pomanders, and pomades, the scented memory of which
lingered about their toilet-tables, or came faintly back from
the days when they were beautiful. Among this class of customers there was still a demand for certain comfortable
little nostrums, (delicately sweet and pungent to the taste,
cheering to the spirits, and fragrant in the breath,) the
proper distillation of which was the airiest secret that the
mystic Swinnerton had left behind him. And, besides, these old
ladies had always liked the manners of Dr. Dolliver, and used
to speak of his gentle courtesy behind the counter as having
positively been something to admire; though, of later years,
an unrefined, an almost rustic simplicity, such as belonged
to his humble ancestors, appeared to have taken possession
of him, as it often does of prettily mannered men in their
late decay.
But it resulted from all these favorable
circumstances that the Doctor's marble mortar, though worn
with long service and considerably damaged by a crack that
pervaded it, continued to keep up an occasional intimacy with
the pestle; and he still weighed drachms and scruples in his
delicate scales, though it seemed impossible, dealing with
such minute quantities, that his tremulous fingers should not
put in too little or too much, leaving out life with the
deficiency or spilling in death with the surplus. To say the
truth, his stanchest friends were beginning to think that Dr.
Dolliver's fits of absence (when his mind appeared absolutely
to depart from him, while his frail old body worked on
mechanically) rendered him not quite trustworthy without a
close supervision of his proceedings. It was impossible,
however, to convince the aged apothecary of the necessity for
such vigilance; and if anything could stir up his gentle
temper to wrath, or, as oftener happened, to tears, it was the
attempt (which he was marvellously quick to detect) thus to
interfere with his long-familiar business.
The public,
meanwhile, ceasing to regard Dr. Dolliver in his
professional aspect, had begun to take an interest in him as
perhaps their oldest fellow-citizen. It was he that remembered
the Great Fire and the Great Snow, and that had been a
grown-up stripling at the terrible epoch of Witch-Times, and a
child just breeched at the breaking-out of King Philip's
Indian War. He, too, in his school-boy days, had received a
benediction from the patriarchal Governor Bradstreet, and
thus could boast (somewhat as Bishops do of their unbroken
succession from the Apostles) of a transmitted blessing from
the whole company of sainted Pilgrims, among whom the venerable magistrate had been an honored companion. Viewing their
townsman in this aspect, the people revoked the courteous
Doctorate with which they had heretofore decorated him, and
now knew him most familiarly as Grandsir Dolliver. His white
head, his Puritan band, his threadbare garb, (the fashion of
which he had ceased to change, half a century ago,) his
gold-headed staff, that had been Dr. Swinnerton's, his
shrunken, frosty figure, and its feeble movement,—all these
characteristics had a wholeness and permanence in the public
recognition, like the meeting-house steeple or the town-pump.
All the younger portion of' the inhabitants unconsciously
ascribed a sort of aged immortality to Grandsir Dolliver's
infirm and reverend presence. They fancied that he had been
born old, (at least, I remember entertaining some such notions
about age-stricken people, when I myself was young,) and that
he could the better tolerate his aches and incommodities, his
dull ears and dim eyes, his remoteness from human intercourse
within the crust of indurated years, the cold temperature that
kept him always shivering and sad, the heavy burden that
invisibly bent down his shoulders,—that all these
intolerable things might bring a kind of enjoyment to
Grandsir Dolliver, as the life-long conditions of his
peculiar existence.
But, alas! it was a terrible mistake. This
weight of years had a perennial novelty for the poor sufferer.
He never grew accustomed to it, but, long as he had now borne
the fretful torpor of his waning life, and patient as he
seemed, he still retained an inward consciousness that these
stiffened shoulders, these quailing knees, this cloudiness
of sight and brain, this confused forgetfulness of men and
affairs, were troublesome accidents that did not really belong
to him. He possibly cherished a half-recognized idea that they
might pass away. Youth, however eclipsed for a season, is
undoubtedly the proper, permanent, and genuine condition of
man; and if we look closely into this dreary delusion of
growing old, we shall find that it never absolutely succeeds
in laying hold of our innermost convictions. A sombre garment,
woven of life's unrealities, has muffled us from our true
self, but within it smiles the young man whom we knew; the
ashes of many perishable things have fallen upon our youthful
fire, but beneath them lurk the seeds of inextinguishable flame. So powerful is
this instinctive faith that men of simple modes of character
are prone to antedate its consummation. And thus it happened
with poor Grand sir Dolliver, who often awoke from an old
man's fitful sleep with a sense that his senile predicament
was but a dream of the past night; and hobbling hastily across
the cold floor to the looking-glass, he would be grievously
disappointed at beholding the white hair, the wrinkles and
furrows, the ashen visage and bent form, the melancholy mask
of Age, in which, as he now remembered, some strange and sad
enchantment had involved him for years gone by!
To other
eyes than his own, however, the shrivelled old gentleman
looked as if there were little hope of his throwing off this
too artfully wrought disguise, until, at no distant day, his
stooping figure should be straightened out, his hoary locks be
smoothed over his brows, and his much enduring bones be laid
safely away, with a green coverlet spread over them, beside
his Bessie, who doubtless would recognize her youthful
companion in spite of his ugly garniture of decay. He longed
to be gazed at by the loving eyes now closed; he shrank from
the hard stare of them that loved him not. Walking the streets
seldom and reluctantly, he felt a dreary impulse to elude
the people's observation, as if with a sense that he had gone
irrevocably out of fashion, and broken his connecting links
with the network of human life or else it was that nightmare-feeling which we sometimes have in dreams, when we seem to
find ourselves wandering through a crowded avenue, with the
noonday sun upon us, in some wild extravagance of dress or
nudity. He was conscious of estrangement from his
towns-people, but did not always know how nor wherefore, nor
why he should be thus groping through the twilight mist in
solitude. If they spoke loudly to him, with cheery voices, the
greeting translated itself faintly and mournfully to his
ears; if they shook him by the hand, it was as if a thick, insensible glove absorbed the kindly pressure and
the warmth. When little Pansie was the companion of his
walk, her childish gayety and freedom did not avail to bring
him into closer relationship with men, but seemed to follow
him into that region of indefinable remoteness, that dismal
Fairy-Land of aged fancy, into which old Grandsir Dolliver had
so strangely crept away.
Yet there were moments, as many
persons had noticed, when the great-grandpapa would suddenly
take stronger hues of life. It was as if his faded figure had
been colored over anew, or at least, as he and Pansie moved
along the street, as if a sunbeam had fallen across him, instead of the gray gloom of an instant before. His chilled
sensibilities had probably been touched and quickened by the
warm contiguity of his little companion through the medium of
her hand, as it stirred within his own, or some inflection of
her voice that set his memory ringing and chiming with
forgotten sounds. While that music lasted, the old man was
alive and happy. And there were seasons, it might be,
happier than even these, when Pansie had been kissed and put
to bed, and Grandsir Dolliver sat by his fireside gazing in
among the massive coals, and absorbing their glow into those
cavernous abysses with which all men communicate. Hence come
angels or fiends into our twilight musings, according, as we
may have peopled them in by-gone years. Over our friend's
face, in the rosy flicker of the fire-gleam, stole an
expression of repose and perfect trust that made him as
beautiful to look at, in his high-backed chair, as the child
Pansie on her pillow; and sometimes the spirits that were
watching him beheld a calm surprise draw slowly over his features and brighten into joy, yet not so vividly as to break
his, evening quietude. The gate of heaven had been kindly left
ajar, that this forlorn old creature might catch a glimpse
within. All the night afterwards, he would be semi-conscious
of an intangible bliss diffused through the fitful lapses of
an old man's slumber, and would awake, at early dawn, with a
faint thrilling of the heart-strings, as if there had been
music just now wandering over them.
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Copyright © 2003 by The Atlantic Monthly Group. All rights reserved. The Atlantic Monthly; July 1864; A Scene From The Dolliver Romance; Volume 45, No. 268; page 194.
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