Department of [Your Name Here] Security

By James Fallows

The results are in! The ever vigilant Department of Fear conducted a poll last month on the right new name for the Department of Homeland Security. More than 3,000 votes were tallied. Here are the final standings:

FearDept.png

The winner was "Name After Buyer" -- for instance, Department of Haliburton Security, or Department of Saudi Binladen Group Security. My favorite, Scaredycatland Security, was a respectable second. Many other write-in suggestions are shown at the site, for instance: "BENDOVER: Bureau of Ending National Debate Over Violation of Everyone's Rights."

Thanks to all who voted. And you have to admit that even though the results aren't binding and no official change will be made, the odious term "Homeland" is already pretty close to the spirit of the suggested new names.
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UPDATE: I had missed the video below, produced by the authorities at Glacier Park International Airport, Montana, to make fun of security-theater excesses while still getting across the requisite info. In combination with the cheesecake-ishly campy but highly effective Cebu Pacific safety video mentioned recently, it does make you wonder why there has to be such a humorless/fearful tone to so much of the modern airline/airport experience these days. But I suppose the Department of Fear approves of the current approach. Thanks to David King.

This article available online at:

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/12/department-of-your-name-here-security/249448/