November 24th, as many of you already know, is National Opt-Out Day
, when airline passengers should refuse to submit themselves to those privacy-invading, genital-picture-taking, radiation-delivering back-scatter imaging machines now installed at many American airports. By telling the TSA agents in charge that you "opt-out" out of the back-scatter (at which point, the TSA agents, if my experience is typical, will yell, "We got an opt-out!," causing everyone standing on the TSA Checkpoint Coiled Line of Death
to look at you funny), you will be subjecting yourself to a fairly thorough frisking, as detailed in this post
. But I believe that opting-out saves you exposure to radiation, and allows a federal government employee to share in your humiliation (while on the one hand -- or in both hands, as the case may be -- your genitals are being groped by a low-paid federal government employee, it is no great pleasure -- and certainly no elevating spiritual experience -- to be the one who frisks people's crotches in an airport, which is why I hope National Opt-Out Day causes hardworking TSA employees to tell their bosses, "Enough.")
By the way, it is the official position of Goldblog that everyday is opt-out day. There's no need to wait until November 24th. But come November 24th, here's an idea you might try to make the day extra-special. It's a one-word idea: Kilts. Think about it -- if you're a male, and you want to bollix-up the nonsensical airport security-industrial complex, one way to do so would be to wear a kilt. If nothing else, this will cause TSA employees to throw up their hands in disgust. If you want to go the extra
extra mile, I suggest commando-style kilt-wearing. While it is probably illegal to fly without pants, I can't imagine that it's illegal to fly without under
pants. I If you are Scottish, or part Scottish, or know someone who is Scottish, or eat Scottish salmon, or enjoy Scotch, or have a vestigial affection for "Braveheart" despite Mel Gibson, you can plausibly claim some sort of multicultural diversity privilege -- the term "True Scotsman" refers to soldiers who honor their tradition and heritage by wearing kilts without drawers underneath. (This photo
illustrates the possible consequences of the "True Scotsman" kilt-wearing very well.)
I nominate Jim Fallows to try this first. Not only is he one of the greatest living Americans and an ardent foe of TSA idiocy
, but he is actually of bona fide Scottish descent. I look forward to filming his adventures at Reagan National.
For those of you who don't have kilts in your closets (or wherever one keeps kilts), you can get one here
. So put on a kilt, and strike a blow against stupidity!
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