Tickled Pink by the TSA

By Jeffrey Goldberg

Ira Stoll's account of being felt-up by a TSA agent reminds me of that great pat-down scene in "Take the Money and Run," which I can't find on the Interwebs. If anyone out there locates it, could you send me a link? Here's Ira, trying not to laugh:

Finally, TSA Officer Daniels arrived and asked me to step forward and around to a spot at the end of the luggage conveyor belt, where my wife and her sister were waiting with our luggage. Snapping the blue latex gloves around his wrists, he said, "Alright, I am going to pat you down." He asked me if I had any sores, scrapes or bruises on my body, and I said no. He explained that he was going to use the back of his hands on my groin and inner thighs and the front of his hands everywhere else. I tried to keep a straight face but couldn't suppress a nervous giggle. Not that I was nervous about him finding a bomb on me that I did not have, but nervous about having some total stranger male rubbing his hands, front or back, along my groin and inner thigh until they meet "resistance."

Which he proceeded to do, while my hands were spread-eagled. While that aspect of the procedure was both ticklish and not particularly enjoyable, the most invasive part in my opinion was not actually the groin and inner thigh search but the waist search, in which Officer Daniels ran his blue-latex-glove-clad fingers, the front of them, all around my body inside of my pants waistband.

The whole feel-up was somewhere between a massage and being tickled.

This article available online at:

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/11/tickled-pink-by-the-tsa/66933/