Boy, am I happy the federal government placed all those radioactive porno machines in our nation's airports. They really work well at detecting bombs under clothing. I mean, maybe they do. Well, who knows? But these machines sure made some people rich, and they made a lot of people in the government very satisfied, at least those people in the government who like looking under your clothing.

Of course, these machines are irrelevant now, because intelligence officials believe that terrorists may try to carry surgically-implanted bombs onto planes. And the porno machines can't see under the skin.

But, whatever.