To: Holly Lim, Chief Operating Officer, The John B. Stetson Co.

Dear Ms. Lim:

I am responding to your letter demanding a published correction to a line in one of my recent columns. The line suggested that readers who wish to feel more American could "put on a Stetson."

To me, this seemed like an innocuous -- even friendly -- reference to your company's product. Alas, you disagree. The correction you are seeking, and which I now solemnly herewith deliver under the implied threat of a trademark-infringement lawsuit, is that "Stetson" is the name of your company and not a generic term for a hat. You further demand that all future references to "Stetson" contain a little R in a circle, like this: Stetson®. Okay. Done, and done.

Stetson® hats suck.