Problem: My Neighbor Is Having Shockingly Loud Sex All the Time

Try blasting recordings of chimpanzees. Our advice columnist to the rescue.

By Jeffrey Goldberg

Q: I live in an apartment building, and my next-door neighbors, with whom I share a wall, often engage in high-volume lovemaking. Live and let live, I say, but not at 1:30 in the morning. Or at 5:45 in the morning. I need my sleep. I’ve already slipped a note under their door alerting them that I hear strange noises coming from their apartment. But can I do anything else to persuade them to think more about their neighbors?

—N.R.
Washington, D.C.


Dear N.R.,

The most important question raised by your letter is this: Who stays up so late—or wakes up that early—to have sex? Your neighbors are very impressive people. My suggestion, should this behavior continue: download from iTunes the album Chimpanzee Sounds, which, not surprisingly, costs only $5.99, and play at top volume track 19, “Wild Monkey,” or track 14, “Capuchin Monkey.” Both are guaranteed to permanently interrupt coitus.

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This article available online at:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/05/whats-your-problem/309286/