Who's Who

A selective index to this month's issue

By Benjamin Healy

Volume 295 No. 2 / March 2005

Adams, John, ambition of, 104; vanity of, 104

Allawi, Ayad, Iraqi PM, as ax victim, 60; Martian threats and, 60

Amies, Hardy, fashion designer, as sci-fi costume designer, 103

Anthony, Susan B., as tooth fairy, 118

Aristotle, on property, 33

Bale, Christian, as Batman, 44; as Bond, 44

Basayev, Shamil, Chechen warlord, as small-time bin Laden, 82

Bin Laden, Osama, globetrotting of, 122; namesakes of, 123

Blahnik, Manolo, slashing wit of, 103

Bond, James, secret identity of, 44

Bradford, William, as free-market hero, 33

Buffington, Perry W., parenting expert, cheap psychological tricks of, 115-116

Bugg, William Emmanuel, farmer, as super-diarist, 113

Bush, George H.W., unreadable lips of, 72; passivity of, 74

Bush, George W., mandate of, 34; as gambler, 34; as Wilsonian, 36-40

Castro, Fidel, Graham Greene and, 112

Catherine the Great, as developer, 82

Chalabi, Salem, Iraqi lawyer, family ties of, 57; sincerity of, 57; ironic ouster of, 81; as Yalie, 57

Chow Yun Fat, as potential James Bond, 44

Cisneros, Sandra, as laundry-list item, 101; technoculture and, 101

Clinton, Bill, on DMZ spookiness, 40; anti-immigration measures of, 40; support staff of, 127

Clinton, Hillary, contagious unpopularity of, 44

Conrad, Joseph, as box-office gold, 114

Coolidge, Calvin, as friend to business, 46

Cronkite, Walter, as towering eminence, 15

Cruise, Tom, "diminutive Scientologist," James Bond potential of, 44

Duvalier, Jean-Claude ("Baby Doc"), papal approval of, 112; as Mother Teresa endorsee, 112

Eastwood, Clint, artistry of, 139

Edwards, G. B., novelist, as civil servant, 113; as gypsy, 113; magnum opus of, 113

Einstein, Albert, slacker mom of, 118

Eisenhower, Dwight D., as tooth fairy, 118; as king of the elvish peoples, 118

Ellington, Duke, as Artie Shaw admirer, 139

Everett, Rupert, as Bond candidate, 44

Farrell, Colin, as Alexander, 44; as potential James Bond, 44

Feldstein, Martin, Harvard economist, as Reagan adviser, 97

Forster, E. M., divided loyalties of, 108

Francis Ferdinand, ill-starred archduke, as catalyst, 36

Gable, Clark, as pillar of national creed, 138

Galliano, John, fashion designer, extravagant whimsy of, 103

Gardner, Ava, as Mrs. Artie Shaw, 138; domestic policies of, 138

Gibbon, Edward, on decadent surnames, 128

Goodman, Benny, limited vocabulary of, 138

Grable, Betty, as Artie Shaw jiltee, 138

Greene, Graham, evil twin of, 105; as sexual opportunist, 105; as radical, 105; as reactionary, 105-114; contrived plots of, 106-108; tortured superficiality of, 106-108; as sketchy liturgist, 107; Soviet sympathies of, 108-110, 112; as anti-American, 108, 111-112, 114; as Shakespeare hater, 110; prescience of, 110-111; obtuseness of, 111; as friend to mighty underdogs, 110

Hayworth, Rita, as Artie Shaw lover, 138

Hugo, Victor, as exile, 113

Hussein, Saddam, looming trial of, 54-55, 80-81; as apprentice, 58; as U.S. ally, 64; as plasma harvester, 66; murderous senescence of, 66-79

Jefferson, Thomas, inscrutability of, 104

Juan Carlos, Spanish king, as Duke of Athens, 127; as democrat, 127; Golden Fleece and, 127

Kerry, John, blazing shirttails of, 38

Khan, A. Q., rogue Pakistani scientist, nuclear network of, 15

Khomeini, Ruhollah, "human waves" unleashed by, 62; Islamist hat trick of, 121

Kid Delicious, as pool shark, 130

Kim Jong Il, as poppy farmer, 53; as "Guardian of Our Planet," 127; as "Lodestar of the Twenty-first Century," 127; solar properties of, 127

Kissinger, Henry, on Woodrow Wilson, 40; on university politics, 103

Lagasse, Emeril, as talking head, 42

Lampedusa, Giuseppe di, Sicilian prince, dining habits of, 113; as best seller, 113

Langland, William, pre-Chaucer poet, as one-hit wonder, 113

Law, Jude, as potential James Bond, 44; questionable left hook of, 44

Long, Huey, prophecy of, 127

Madonna, as Bond girl, 44; talentlessness of, 103

al-Majid, Ali Hassan, "Chemical Ali," genocide trial of, 54-55, 71, 78; as Kuwaiti governor, 71; as exterminator, 67-70, 74; as bureaucrat, 67-68, 78

Mann, Thomas, improv-proof properties of, 139

Mansfield, Harvey, Harvard philosopher, sharklike grin of, 95; ironic grading policy of, 95

McGregor, Ewan, as James Bond, 44; as Sky Masterson, 44

Mead-Ferro, Muffy, as slacker mom, 118

Mellor, Christie, as child-labor innovator, 117

Middlekauff, Robert, Revolutionary War historian, sterling craft of, 103-104

Miller, Glenn, as jazzman non grata, 138

Milosevic, Slobodan, as model leader, 92

Mitchell, Margaret, as virginal flapper, 113; as hypochondriac, 113; as thank-you-note compulsive, 113; fateful jaywalk of, 113

Mitford, Jessica, as green-card-carrying Communist, 107

Mother Teresa, as Baby Doc fan, 112

Mufti, Adnan, Kurdish official, as heavy-metal victim, 56

Mufti, Hania, human-rights investigator, as Iraq inquisitor, 54-81; as Chemical Ali nemesis, 55-56, 71, 78; as taxi evacuee, 58; Quaker education of, 58; unheeded advice of, 81

Nixon, Richard, as Woodrow Wilson fan, 40

Noriega, Manuel, as Graham Greene hero, 112; as "fascistic zombie," 112

O'Reilly, Bill, as rhetorical steamroller, 42

Orwell, George, as iconic foreign correspondent, 105

Perle, Richard, blind spot of, 126

Philby, Kim, as British intelligence officer, 108; as Soviet mole, 108; as loyal Graham Greene confidant, 108

Porter, Cole, as silent partner, 138

Powell, Colin, as James Bond, 44

Putin, Vladimir, as night owl, 82; as oenophile, 82; sobriety of, 82; as boxer, 84; as judo champ, 84; as snow leopard, 84; reptilian characteristics of, 86; gait of, 86; as Teddy Roosevelt, 86; as circumciser, 87; piety of, 82, 89-91; as bourgeois ski bunny, 92

Rather, Dan, deferential crouch of, 15; as "Gunga Dan," 15; as mujahid, 15; frequency of, 15; high-octane metaphors of, 38

Roosevelt, Franklin D., mandate of, 34; as Wilsonian, 40

Roosevelt, Theodore, as exceptionalist, 36; messianic foreign policy of, 36-38

Rumsfeld, Donald, as Iraq envoy, 64; as Saddam interlocutor, 64

Sacagawea, as tooth fairy, 118

Selassie, Haile, Ethiopian emperor, as "Conquering Lion of Judah," 127

Shakespeare, William, as crypto-Catholic, 110; as Graham Greene nemesis, 110

Shaw, Artie, as lothario, 138; as Wodehouse character, 138; as marital-arts guru, 138; as anti-jazz jazzman, 138; as serial quitter, 138; gag reflex of, 138; on Van Gogh, 139; as novelist, 139; as dairy farmer, 139; as marksman, 139; "dimwit" wives of, 138-139; estranged sons of, 138-139; toilet-paper preferences of, 139

Souquet, Ralf, German pool champ, as Tweety Bird lookalike, 130

Spears, Britney, as clarinetist, 138

Stalin, Joseph, yellow eyes of, 88; as seminarian, 84; as darner of socks, 92

Stephen, Leslie, Virginia Woolf's father, as disciplinarian, 128; casual dignity of, 128

Summers, Lawrence, Harvard president, as "charmless bully," 103; as often right, nevertheless, 103

Surkov, Vladislav, Putin aide, Chechen heritage of, 88; as anti-Chechen hardliner, 88

Tamerlane, as infidel, 89; as believer, 89

Turner, Lana, as eloper, 138

Valentino, Rudolph, as shopaholic, 102

Van Gogh, Vincent, artistic integrity of, 139

Versace, Gianni, anti-bourgeois frocks of, 101

Waugh, Evelyn, as iconic foreign correspondent, 105; on Graham Greene, 114; on Wodehouse, 138

Wilson, Woodrow, as Bush adviser, 36-40; humility of, 36; ambitions of, 38; as Lincoln admirer, 38; European legacy of, 38-40; as (mostly) vindicated, 38-40

Wodehouse, P. G., as man out of time, 138

Woolf, Virginia, as daddy's girl, 128

Yeltsin, Boris, as atheist, 90; public drunkenness of, 82; ursine qualities of, 84

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