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AUTHOR: Sarah Silverman


THESIS: The Pope should end world hunger by "selling the Vatican"


CATALYST: "Grossy sick emaciated people" on her 48-inch plasma-screen


THE POPE: "Is literally a caped crusader"


ESTIMATED WORTH OF THE VATICAN: "Like 500 billion dollars"


SALARY OF AVERAGE ARBY'S EMPLOYEE IN ETHIOPIA: "Nothing an hour"


WHERE VATICAN WOULD MOVE: "A gorgeous condominium" with swimming pool, tennis court, waterslide


UPSIDE: "On an ego level alone, you will be the biggest hero in the history of ever"


NOTE FROM JEWS: "And by the way, any involvement in the holocaust? Bygones."


POPE WOULD ALSO RECEIVE: "All the pussy"


LIKELY PORTION OF ARGUMENT THAT IS IRONIC: 90-95%


NOTA BENE:


You preach to live hungry, and I totally agree, so now maybe it's time for you to move out of your house that is a city.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.