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Finding a Room at the Inn for Poor Mahmoud
By
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad can't catch a break. First the Helmsley Hotel rescinded its invitation to host a banquet at which the Iranian president was scheduled to speak, and now the Essex Hotel is facing similar pressure to turn its back on the Holocaust-denying fruitcake. It's tough out there for a lunatic, even at the U.N. General Assembly, which is a lunatic-heavy gathering. So as a public service, I dispatched Goldblog Travel and Leisure Editor Tali Yahalom to find him a hotel room. Here are some suggestions:
Blue Moon Hotel
Lower East Side, NYC
Description: Kosher hotel in polyglot neighborhood. Kosher = Halal, mostly.
Why it would work: It is minutes away from Yonah Schimmel's. Even anti-Semites like knishes.
The Avenue Plaza Hotel
Brooklyn, NYC
Description: Located in the heart of Boro Park, the Avenue Plaza is located near shopping centers and synagogues.
Why it would work: The hotel "provides an all-encompassing haven for the most discriminating guest," according to its website. Also, female guests cover their heads, Teheran-style.
Park House Hotel
Brooklyn, NYC
Description: Website is down. This suggests a suitable level of paranoia.
Why it would work: Moshe Aryeh Friedman, a member of the Iranian regime-loving Neturei Karta, once stayed there.
Lawrence Beach Club
Atlantic Beach, NY
Description: Top-notch private resort along the beach.
Why it would work: Direct access to powerful Jews who might enjoy harangues about the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
Capitol Hotel
Lakewood, NJ
Description: It's like staying in Meah Shearim.
Why it would work: It's like staying in Meah Shearim.
Doubletree Hotel
Tarrytown, NY (20 minutes west of Scarsdale)
Description: A premiere Westchester hotel, replete with a heated swimming pool, a multilingual staff, and a glatt kosher kitchen.
Why it would work: Old Jewish men wear Members Only jackets; Ahmadinejad would blend in.
Inn at Great Neck
Great Neck, NY
Description: This 1920s-style luxury inn, situated among plenty of shops, restaurants and shuls, has its own glatt kosher restaurant and jacuzzi room.
Why it would work: Great Neck Jews have brought down Israeli politicians.
Blue Moon Hotel
Lower East Side, NYC
Description: Kosher hotel in polyglot neighborhood. Kosher = Halal, mostly.
Why it would work: It is minutes away from Yonah Schimmel's. Even anti-Semites like knishes.
The Avenue Plaza Hotel
Brooklyn, NYC
Description: Located in the heart of Boro Park, the Avenue Plaza is located near shopping centers and synagogues.
Why it would work: The hotel "provides an all-encompassing haven for the most discriminating guest," according to its website. Also, female guests cover their heads, Teheran-style.
Park House Hotel
Brooklyn, NYC
Description: Website is down. This suggests a suitable level of paranoia.
Why it would work: Moshe Aryeh Friedman, a member of the Iranian regime-loving Neturei Karta, once stayed there.
Lawrence Beach Club
Atlantic Beach, NY
Description: Top-notch private resort along the beach.
Why it would work: Direct access to powerful Jews who might enjoy harangues about the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
Capitol Hotel
Lakewood, NJ
Description: It's like staying in Meah Shearim.
Why it would work: It's like staying in Meah Shearim.
Doubletree Hotel
Tarrytown, NY (20 minutes west of Scarsdale)
Description: A premiere Westchester hotel, replete with a heated swimming pool, a multilingual staff, and a glatt kosher kitchen.
Why it would work: Old Jewish men wear Members Only jackets; Ahmadinejad would blend in.
Inn at Great Neck
Great Neck, NY
Description: This 1920s-style luxury inn, situated among plenty of shops, restaurants and shuls, has its own glatt kosher restaurant and jacuzzi room.
Why it would work: Great Neck Jews have brought down Israeli politicians.
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