'How to Kiss'

More

From the creators of the unironic "How to Undo Her Bra With One Hand" -- viewed 55 million sad times on YouTube -- comes "How to Kiss Nice and Long"

Our video editor Kasia Cieplak-Mayr von Baldegg just told me this new kissing tutorial is getting popular quickly, like past Howcast intimacy-related videos. ("Howcast: The best how-to videos on the web") 

She said I'd think it was funny, which I somewhat did -- until the end, when this man and woman earnestly make out, at which point I died.

We learn three things about kissing:

  1. Don't forget to to breathe.
  2. Brace yourself such that "when you need to stop and breathe, [you can] just pull away." Don't exhale into the other person's mouth -- not firstly because it's very weird, but because of the dangers of carbon dioxide.
  3. [Things learned from watching strangers make out]

The step-back lesson, though, seems the same as from their bra unhooking video: That 55 million (men) watched it makes us look very much like ogres. If you've never unhooked a bra, don't be concerned about doing it with one hand your first time. If you have unhooked a bra, though, then you know how it works. "How to Unhook a Hook." 

The first time you make out, pretty much everyone forgets to breathe and passes out. That just means you're into it. You get back up and keep going. Eventually, breathing becomes second nature. Until then, if you do "just pull away" every time you need to breathe, it would be adorable.

In the right context, there are legitimate points to be made about how to be a better kisser. For example, don't maintain a defensive position, bracing yourself to pull away.

There are other Howcast "How to Kiss" editions, and they universally culminate in serious kissing. But don't worry about all of this being too progressive. One clearly includes the advice, "Ladies, you want to let the man be in the driver's seat ... Let him set the pace for the kiss."

Also, for pirates, "How to Unhook a Bra Hook With a Hook" would be interesting.


Update 3/22/13: New techniques

Jump to comments
Presented by

James Hamblin, MD, is a senior editor at The AtlanticHe is the host of If Our Bodies Could Talk.

 
 
More

Get Today's Top Stories in Your Inbox (preview)

Why Are Americans So Bad at Saving Money?

The US is particularly miserable at putting aside money for the future. Should we blame our paychecks or our psychology?


Elsewhere on the web

Join the Discussion

After you comment, click Post. If you’re not already logged in you will be asked to log in or register. blog comments powered by Disqus

Video

The Death of Film

You'll never hear the whirring sound of a projector again.

Video

How to Hunt With Poison Darts

A Borneo hunter explains one of his tribe's oldest customs: the art of the blowpipe

Video

A Delightful, Pixar-Inspired Cartoon

An action figure and his reluctant sidekick trek across a kitchen in search of treasure.

Video

I Am an Undocumented Immigrant

"I look like a typical young American."

Video

Why Did I Study Physics?

Using hand-drawn cartoons to explain an academic passion

Writers

Up
Down

More in Health

Just In