This week's "Ask Corby": how to handle the bill in a way that will please your server, your cheapskate relatives, and your conscience
Q. A reader in Canada writes: What is a polite way to ensure the server gets tipped well when someone else is picking up the tab for dinner? I have relatives of a certain age who think a dollar or two is just fine for a tip regardless of the size of the party, the final bill total or whether the restaurant is casual or fine dining.
In the past I have snuck a few bills under my own coffee cup but I was recently caught doing this and chastised for it by a skinflint codger in my family. I don't want to come off as high and mighty or a high rolling hotshot, I just want to be sure the server gets fair compensation for dealing with my cheap-o relations.
A. Tipping is an eternally vexed subject: how much, when, how to withhold while penalizing only the people responsible for an unsatisfactory experience. As Megan McArdle's guest blogger Courtney Knapp pointed out in a succinct guide that paid special attention to the neglected, even-more-confusing subject of how to tip in a bar (she got advice from several mixologists, including the Life channel's own Derek Brown), if you don't like the food, send it back or talk to the manager: Unless a server garbled your order, it's not her or his fault. Though of course, sending food back is a huge drag, for the haughtiness it implies and, worse, the interruption of what should be a seamless and pleasant experience and the tedium of sitting in front of an empty plate while everyone else is stolidly eating what got put in front of them.
There's nothing more ambiguous than the 15-percent tip, which could just as well be a "thanks for nothing" grat from a miffed diner who always leaves 20 percent or a sincere show of gratitude from an infrequent restaurantgoer who thinks 15 percent is still the going rate for good service. Only the tipper knows for sure.
I've long thought that the solution is mandatory tipping built into the bill, as I wrote here, after James Fallows wrote about being forcefully struck by the two-sided humiliation and awkwardness of expecting a tip. In China, he wrote, tipping is so unusual as to be possibly insulting. His solution, which I agree with:
Please! Just add the money to the fare—or the restaurant check or the hotel bill—rather than having all of commercial life colored by the haggling / hostile-servile on one end / guilty-paternalistic on the other end institution of the tip.
In an ideal world, service would be a respected profession, one people would enter for a lifetime, or most of it. This is an idea that has long been lobbed, particularly by people familiar with the professionalism of teams in French restaurants. Tim and Nina Zagat, never-frequent-enough Life channel contributors, have usefully taken this up: On a recent trip to Boston to introduce the new edition of the Boston Zagat Survey, Tim's introductory remarks were on this theme. "It used to be that no parent would say to someone at a party, 'My kid has decided to be a cook,'" he said to me afterward. "Now they're practically as proud of that as if their kid was a doctor or lawyer. But they still would never brag about a child's being a server." It was apt that Nina and Tim had chosen the new Island Creek Oyster Bar for their breakfast conference, because, as I pointed out in my Boston Magazine review, the restaurant's real success in what had been a cursed space is the skill of the owner, Garrett Harker, who runs the front of the house, as he has at many other very successful Boston restaurants.