Fox News hosts the "7th or 8th" GOP debate, featuring Alec Baldwin as Rick Perry ("I believe all ten-year-old girls should be vaccinated against HPV so that they can enter into meaningful sexual relationships"), Jason Sudeikis as Mitt Romney ("Next to Newt Gingrich, I have a normal, human-sized head"), and "six other people who will never be president, but showed up anyway":
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The monologue—Steve Martin drops by (along with Seth Rogen and a portable lab) to make sure no steroids were involved in the shattering of Martin's SNL hosting record. Baldwin hawks Ben & Jerry's new Schweddy Balls ice cream:
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Susan Lucci (Vanessa Bayer) attempts to bid farewell to the (comatose, amnesiatic, back-from-the-dead...) cast & crew of All My Children:
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Paramount Pictures releases never-before-seen screen tests for the lead role in Top Gun. (Contenders include Alan Alda, Prince, Crispin Glover, Bobcat Goldthwaite, Sinbad, Tony Danza, Al Pacino, Harvey Fierstein, and Natalie from The Facts of Life):
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Turner Classic Movies presents Angels in the Trenches—Loyal soldier Craig (Taran Killam) promises to carry out the final wishes of his dying comrades ("Explain to my son how sex works"; "Tell my congressman there's a pothole on Dumont Street"; "Put this on and dance around"...):
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Also: Chanel unveils Red Flag perfume—"The only perfume that warns men, 'I'm @#$@#%ing crazy'"; Tony Bennett (Alec Baldwin) talks movies with Seth Meyers on Weekend Update; Botoxed newscaster Kristin Wiig is devoured by snakes during a satellite delay.
Musical guest Radiohead performed "Lotus Flower" and "Staircase."
NEXT WEEK: Melissa McCarthy, with musical guest Lady Antebellum.
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